missy_scarlet

2011-08-12T10:54:00.002+08:00

I want to go home v v badly. But im also afraid to burst the little bubble im in right now. I feel safe just because Im doing the same things, meeting the same people staying at the same place for almost two months already. Im making plans to make my heart ready for farewells. Its the last day for the rest of the interns here. Its so sad, yet at the same time I feel something else that is foreign. Dno what it is though.

I want to go to camp soooo badly. I started my first week here at camp and it helped me so much to get used to things and people. I really wna end my term in taiwan at another camp as well. But mayb its cuz I yearn so much to go for this new camp, for good or selfish motives, thats why God is not allowing me to go. Yet? Camp is next monday omg this suckssss. I am not as obsessed with Jason as I make myself out to be la pls. I over exxagerate really esp with relationship issues I always overreact so no one knows what Im truly feeling.But going for camp would feel good. Esp w all my fav pple and heavenly melody so fun la.

2011-08-03T15:22:00.000+08:00

Hello pals!!! Im doing good in TW. Im currently in a cold war with G so before I call him next he is so gna have to contact me first.

I have a pretty permanent job now so Im kinda glad cuz I dunt have to keep worrying about articles anymore and just key in those damn words.

See everyone sooooon k :]

2011-07-22T09:59:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone who still bothers to come here. I am safe and sound in taiwan. Its like being in bible school all over again. Just that now work is involved. Its like a never ending church camp. I feel safe, protected, there is chapel everyday and weekends have church. I feel as though i was leading my old life again. The life before Uni and China. I really cannot imagine what my life would be when I leave ORTV. Its not that Im crazy abt this plc or what, Im fine I guess. Evryone out of tw is telling me that tw is awesome it rocks shopping is good bla bla, well yeah it is whatever. But you know my personality is not going out there to do all those stuff but its being w my friends and whatever that comes along after that just makes sense no matter what we do or where we go. I love my housemates, i love the people i work with, its just that sometimes i get so stressed about how im not good enough. all the othyer interns are asians who study in america or just americans.I mean i feel that my english is darn good esp when i write essays but everyone here just makes me feel so inferior abt my writing skills.

I want to go back to singapore so badly. I love my friends here, they love me too obviously. But i just want my comfort zone back. Im not ready for all these. After this summer i think im just gna work really hard in my studies cuz i realize i hate work. this is my first official 'work' in my life. I have never ever worked worked in my life so i have decided i hate it. HAHA.

Another thing. Although Im really distracted by so much here. I find myself missing G alot. Is that weird or what. We started out as 'siblings' where he cares alot for me and i just do alot for him. when i call him frm tw, he seems like he needs me not at that moment but mayb just after that, like he says ok call me tmr, im bz now w my friend or i wna talk to my mama or WHATEVER. and i feel weird. Like in tw i tell everyone he is my bf but we are just in a complicated stage now. ya i guess we are. even when my TL friends ask me abt him i tell them honestly that i dno whats up btwn us. I guess i dunt love like him yet, its just a huge dependency like the one i used to have on derek. weird much.

i want to go hooooooome. i miss cal and ryl so much. i have not seen cal in half a year and i wont see her for another half. and if i really decide to go travel in winter i wont see her for like 1.5 years i just want to die. I feel so bad i havent been updating them as much as best friends shld and as much as i want to. ah crap.

oh yeah i love tw cuz i have so much internet freedom now. take that china.

2011-05-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

Dearest Caiming,

I cannot believe you just did that to me. After all the pride and dignity I sacrifice as a woman for you, you still take my heart and crush it in front of me. So before you say that you are leaving me, Im leaving you first. And best still, Im not telling you that Im leaving. Because you take my presence around you for granted, Im going to make you regret so hard you ever thought about talking to that stupid french girl.

Yesterday I just said goodbye to someone who loved me and another one who I loved. I will try to embrace a new life I guess. I mean, I have another month here only. Live through it, make sure I study for my exams and try to not cheat, study my korean well, not waste so much fucking money on online shopping and going out. Hang out with pple who genuinely care for me and my heart. Its amazing how ytd, after Caiming stepped all over me in front of everyone at the party I just left and went to get high. Its also amazing how the friends who I dint think much of were the ones who really are concerned for me. Despite repeating and nagging over and over again that I wanted to go to the club Caiming was at, none of them allowed me to speak for the entire journey and we ended up going to this other club which wasnt soooo much fun but at least I was allowed to have fun by myself. Im surprised how they all want the best for me, but I myself am not allowing myself to break free from Caiming. Yes he is destroying me, but at the same time I do not want to lose the security that he comes with.

I need to find myself back. I have let myself go too much. And this really sucks.

2011-05-26T11:20:00.003+08:00

BFFS!! <3

CAIMING...

I hate the way you leave me hanging on a string. I hate the way you can read me so well. Then agn, everyone here reads me well. I hate the way Im so dependent on you. I hate the way I am when I mention the things I say I would do for you. I hate the way I cant treat you like an older brother, the way I treat all the other laos 'geges'. Why couldnt we have started just as friends. I hate the way I have to act drunk arnd you when Im most defnitely not. I hate the fact that I have to pretend to love someone else so you would be so acted up and concerned for my safety. I hate the fact that you are such a popular guy that you have soooo many girls arnd you each day. You say Im super popular and have many guys arnd me too, but you say that knowing that my heart beats only for one guy. YET YOU STILL SAY IT. You are a fucking bastard la. I hate it when you dedicate songs to me with hidden messages, they make me think alot. And Im so sure you meant it for me to think abt it.

They say dunt ever trust men here, they are all looking for a close friend, a companion if you will, for their time here. I trust you so much, but at the same time bcuz you know I have this huge dependency on you, you use it against me.

2011-05-25T00:33:00.002+08:00

this is the exact reason why I hate having female best friends. 1 best friend. This is also the reason why me and yen are so gum. Or me ryl and cal can survive (barely) after 4 years. All the jealousy hate angst cold wars omg. I hate being a girl. Ok actl I hate being so popular w guys. I really cant help it that my character is just 'hao' acc to the pple here and that guys really like to hang out w me right.

fuck la. I want to go home now

2011-05-14T17:40:00.006+08:00

I need to learn how to live without you. One day seems like a week, a year even if I cant see your face. I need to learn how to stop hurting myself. We end up hurting each other. Its just who starts the ball rolling. I have given my soul to loud music and techno beats. I become unrecognizable when Im surrounded by tens of hot bodies gyrating to the same music but with a different rhythm within each of our hearts. My heart beats for you, but when I see the person you become under the lights, my head spins out of control and my body takes on another man's rhythm. I do not want to change. I hate change. But why is it that everyone but me sees the change in me already. I do not regret having met you. But I regret letting you have this much control over me. How can I be so cheap.

2011-05-06T14:18:00.003+08:00

hello my pals i dno how many of you still bother comg here to read this pathetic space. im currently living in limbo. i spend my entire life w abt the same 5 pple everyday. I feel as tho if i were to stop living w them my life would end. Its the same routine everyday that if I were to stop it for even a day the emptiness in my heart is just scary. I know I cant love him but I just cant stop myself.

2011-04-14T02:39:00.005+08:00

cal here. i figured this may be a bit long to type out on whatsapp so i had to hack into ur acct. i think it best if you removed your password tho.. if not the whole world can see it. (RE/EDIT: i took the liberty of removing ur pw from the previous post) btw, cool pw i would have never thought of such a pw. it's like ironic to a hacker if he/she is typing ur pw.. lol.

anyways my dear eva.. firstly i'd like to apologise for not talking to you as often as i hoped. i've just been so overwhelmed with everything happening right now (uni, work, chauffeur-life) that i really had no time for anything else. i haven't spoken to any of my friends in sg in AGES. the only reason why i speak to my uni friends alot is because i see them around.. if i don't see them around, i think i can live without talking to them too. i am that busy. :/

hmm, our situation is similar and yet, at the same time different. i remember when i first came over to perth i absolutely HATED IT TTM. couldn't fit in, didn't have friends. hated everything. i guess you and i share the same hatred towards our situation.. which the exception that you have friends while i had none lol. but dw things will get better eventually. you just have to suck it up. BE STRONG MENTALLY. don't let people make you do the things you don't feel is right. over here my white friends tried with many (failed) attempts to make me club and tried to get me wasted. totally failed. why? coz i didn't allow them to do it. i stood firm on my values. ok mb i did give in a little (didn't wanna be a party pooper) and drank and went a lil' bit high (once, like 2 years back) but then i knew my limits and told them no when i thought i was going to cross the line. you have to stand firm. no means no, don't give in (too much) to their wants. when they realise you're serious about your decision, if they are your true friends, they'll respect your decision. STAY STRONG BUDDY :)

in terms of spiritual walk, i guess what you have to do is to have the desire and desperation to get back on track. i've been through this before so i know.. when i first came over to perth, my spiritual walk was shit and it became progressively worse as i harboured bitterness within me.. i think you two might know why. it's gotta do with CDDC. LOL GG MAN. now that i think about it, i find it quite funny actually :) but yeah anyways.. my life without God became progressively shittier by the day. i was angry with my parents for forcing me over to Perth, i hated church people (LOL), i was bitter, angry, hurt, jealous over the girls who kept talking to (ahem) LOLOLOLOL.. I even hated God pls ._. yeah you get the picture. But after a while, I started to realise my life was shit only becoz i didn't have Him in my life anymore and i really wanted to get out of shithole thats when I started to desperately try finding Him again. previously, during the period where i was angry with God, i made excuses not to go to church by telling myself that the churches were too far away from my place and it was very inconvenient travelling to church on sunday mornings (bus only comes once an hour on sundays) but all that changed when i realised i really needed Him back. And God was good to me.. as you know, i'm not a morning person.. so catching the bus to church in the mornings (had to wake up at 7am pls) was really a hassle.. but subsequently he introduced people into my life who picked me up from my home to send me to church and back after. i won't say that my spiritual walk is awesome. it's had its peaks and lows. we're all human right? but at least whenever i'm at my lowest, idk, God will somehow bring into remembrance my shitty life without Him and i won't deviate anymore (well at least i'll try my best not to) :)

Hopefully you'll get ur life sorted out and start to love China. i'm really loving it here in aus.. i think i'd eventually settle down here for good. can't really picture myself staying in sg anymore. going back for holidays, yes. but living there for good.. um, no thanks. hate to be all money-minded.. but the pay in sg is so crap. the last time i enquired for a job at starbucks, the manager told me i'd get paid $5/hr (excluding CPF).. so with my CPF contribution, my pay will be lower. guess how much i'm getting paid with my current job? $19.32AUD/hr on weekdays, $23.18AUD/hr on weekends and $34.77AUD/hr on public hols. NO TAX. IT'S SHOOOO GOOOT (so good). and fyi this is the MINIMUM wage set by the govt for my job. i have no prior work experience so this the minimum anyone working in my field (cafe waitress) can get. the pay increases with experience. ok money aside, people finish work at 4pm over here. singapore is like what? 8am-5pm (which extends to 8pm) working shifts? idk. AND AND AND.. sg has all the crazy kiasu aunties/uncles which i really cannot stand. esp those people who rush into the mrts without allowing other passengers to align from the mrt first. i always shake my head in dismay at them or i'll purposely make that tsk sound VERY LOUDLY AND STARE AT THEM IN DISGUST HAHAHHAHAHHA *EVIL*

only down side with perth is.. there's no night life here.. ok fine, technically there is.. but i'm not into the whole clubbing thing so that doesn't apply for me. but i got used to the no night life lifestyle here. plus so long as you have a car, you can go to ur friend's house/supper at night anyways. freedom! :D oh and another down side is that you sometimes meet those really anal racist people whom i really wanna slap. but yeah just gotta scowl at them and ignore what they said. haha i remember last time in high school (like 4 years ago) i told this boy to f*ck off.. that asshole was younger than me and yet he was bullying/kachaoing me just coz i'm asian. the hell. so yes, admittedly going overseas does make you say the f word more often. tbh i NEVER used the f word in sg before.. i only started to use it after coming over to Perth.. when i was in my rebellious anti-God mode 4 years ago :/ now i try my utmost best to limit my usage of that word coz it's not a good testimony. but we're all human.. sometimes i really can't control myself when i hit my little toe hard against the leg of the table and i'm like FARRRRRRRKKKKKKK. yeah i know, u can't imagine me saying the f word right? thats coz i never say it in front of my friends. but yeah, don't wanna act all holy and claim i never used the word before.. when really, i do use it. its bad and i really try to limit myself from using it. but yeah, circumstances.. or mb i'm just finding excuses for myself.. coz i think if u really have set in ur heart and mind never to use that word, it won't even pop up when certain circumstances arise.

P.S. i don't think you should continue smoking shisha.. its VERY BAD FOR HEALTH!!! and please don't smoke cigarettes. females smoking cigarettes are a complete turn off (i still love Julia as a friend tho) but girls (not Julia) who smoke = TURN OFFFFF.

P.P.S. wlao why you always go for the koreans.. they very good meh? haha jk :P

P.P.P.S i love you high time! skype soon! i've got 2 exams next week.. so preferably not skype this weekend. skype the week after? :)

love,
your cal pal from downunder

2011-04-07T22:26:00.004+08:00

dearest cal and ryl.. i also dno why my life is soooo shitty now. i have so much free time you know like seriously. I have 4 modules to attend but i can skip two of it cuz my chinese is of a certain level so out of 5 sch days i only need to attend 2 days, plus im soooooo lazy my lessons are all at 8am sometimes i just attend 2 lessons per week. cal ryl!!! thats not the worse, i started to hang out w my seniors and they are the drinking smoking kind. they brought me and my roomie to our first cubbing experience here in jinan. they are really nice la they treat me like damn shit nice and protect me alot cuz im the youngest out of our 'clique'. then now that we have so little classes my class is starting to hang out more. we are kind of split into 2 sects, the smoke drink gang and the study gang. so u know i used to be close to both groups cuz im the youngest and everyth likes me but now im starting to go to sch less and less im feeling that the study grp likes me less and less too.. so that day we had a partyy cuz it was my friend's bday, that was the day i got super close to the drink/smoke grp cuz we had so much beer and just shisha till morning and my friend taught me to smoke OMG LA. u know it sucks to be the youngest really they let me do ANYTHING i want they teach me everyth they ask me to try everyth ARGHHHHHHHH i hate this, like i know im changing my friends tell me im becoming prettier im dressing better and all but the fact that i myself know im changing means its not good!! you understand?? like some pple they become shittier bitchier and they dunt know it but i know it and i dunt really like it, i have alot of friends now everyday aft sch i just laze arnd watching guys, playing arnd in our playground, going out shopping bla bla bla but my life has no meaning at all LIKE AT ALL I TOTALLY HATE IT. everyday its just the same routine, i sleep late i wake up late go to sch late, aft sch i change and go out to the playground wait for all the koreans and whatever race to finish sch then i play till like 8 plus 9 go and eat dinner see if my friends are arnd, go to the cafe sit arnd drink bla bla and sleep. I FUCKING HATE THIS.

ok so abt church, i feel so guilty really. i cannot find a suitable church i like and u know now everyday to me is like the same monday like sunday sunday like tuesday whatver like that i dunt even rmb the dates or days everyday. plus my parents still think im gng to church every week. and i started using fuck alot alrdy. cal is studying overseas like that? no right, i really think its my personality like im crazy and easily influenced and all shit la. in spore i was kinda like that in sec sch rmb. ah fuck.

anyw abt this guy i like. im gna make it short cuz i hate talking abt guys in length now. he is korean frm busan, this plc i totally like even before i came here, and the most fated of fates is that he has the exact same watch as me. HOW COOL IS THAT RIGHT. one day we were talking then i was like omg how come yr watch so familiar and i looked at mine its the EXACT same one!!!!!! so ya. he is 26 doing his masters in um..... finance? im not sure what its called in english also. im not that sure whether i like like him anyw cuz he invited me to his room to 'zuo fan' which is like cook dinner or what, its quite common for pple to invite others to zuo fan. and when i was in his room it was quite weird. i mean nothing happened la. but he was just weird i also dno how to say.

anyw do u guys wna blog here. no one comes here alrdy anyw so ya. talk to you both soon k <3

2011-04-04T14:14:00.001+08:00

Really, one day i will look back at these uni years of my life and regret. But for now, I really dno what Im doing. Fun, Boys and everything that comes along w it. The funny thing abt all this is that everyone thinks im young and cute and innocent.

2011-02-24T23:23:00.002+08:00

Arghhhhhhhh. Sucks to mars and back i want shoes, shld not have wasted my fucking money on th prgm then mayb now i will be 321 dollars richer. I want to buy the entire range of covered shoes at cotton on its damn nice despite its lack in quality.

2011-02-23T23:30:00.000+08:00

I cannot believe im saying such words on my blog but really FML.
Fuck my life to venus and back

2011-02-22T18:37:00.002+08:00

I know Im running away. From what, Im not entirely sure yet. I feel like crying at different times of the day. I just hole myself up at home, refusing to go anywhere despite being so free. Even free shopping w my mum which I know will see me with alot of shoes and makeup if Im nice enough not to fight w her does not entice me anymore. My mum says Im selfish for not even wanting to go shopping w her. Im too tired to even reply her. I know Im currently being really selfish by not wanting to meet the pple who desperately want to meet me, calling my mobile and texting me endlessly. Jo says he gets that everyone gets their 'social funks' but comg frm me he says its hard to believe. I know. Right. I want to be a part of my friends' lives here but I know Im so fleeting that I cant bring myself to ask them to trust me with their secrets. This is what I really hate abt these vacation breaks despite this being my first. I settle, my friends settle w me being a part of them, and then its time for me to leave. It breaks my heart, which is why I choose to separate myself away from everyth that is happy early. I told xiang shenna and eliza that day that I dno how to respond to negative feelings like sadness, I think I really dno how to. Either that or Im just doing everyth wrongly.

I am not going to come back. Because life here represents everyth. My comfort, my friends, my securities. And Im not prepared to leave it again.

2011-02-15T00:22:00.002+08:00

Wlao.... I really x100000 miss david like mad leh. The thought that im nt gna see him fr at least 1 year is like shit pls. SHIT.

2011-01-27T08:33:00.001+08:00

after 3 years of not being fated, fate bit me in the ass ytd. It was so weird and yet so apt really. I have never seen him out of church before and events before, ytd being the first. neither did i expect him to text me.

I just hope he really loves her, is happy w her and sees a future w her :) im happy for you daryl!

2010-09-16T09:15:00.001+08:00

I miss church.

Worse still, I love him so much I dunt even miss him.

Just absorbing myself in china dramas. Why do the bookstores not even sell a proper english book this sucks.

the last farewell

2010-08-30T01:50:00.004+08:00

Nothing better

2010-08-22T23:54:00.001+08:00

I officially think there is someth really wrong with my family.

2010-08-18T22:01:00.003+08:00

there is a bitter taste in my mouth. I might regret this one day later on but. I cannot wait to leave. I actl wna pack some clothes and leave my house now if not for the money my dad just gave me. How cute. If my parents call you tmr and ask where I went just ask them to go to hell.

2010-08-17T21:41:00.002+08:00

I have so much to do. Ytd's farewell at the airport fr CY was just unreal. I just kept on thinking "yeah yeah in 2 weeks im gna be here" I just imagined my friends, the crying, my friends and omg the crying. So glad I wasnt thaaaat close to cal when she officially left fr australia when I was sec 4.

I have a long list of pple I really need to meet. I have a long list of the plcs I wna go, a long list of things I wna do. Actl the things I wna do, my slowly slowly slowly making headway, like gng prawning and eating korean bbq, taking studio shots. I am afraid to pack my clothes. Cuz that is like the official sign of leaving right. Anyw my bag is sooooo small. I miss ryl like hell. She doesnt help by not replying or being as busy as me. I feel bad for intruding into cal's alrdy v busy uni life.

Anyhow, I had a mega revelation today frm God. I really dno how to explain it. It was juss surreal. Long story short,God spoke to me through this verse. How I got to read this verse.. The story is also v amazing, just know that Im so sure it was frm God. The verse, how it happened and the feelings I was feeling at that pt of time. And im so glad it all happened when I was w my JC friends, altho ham is a christian alrdy, mel ali and bq seemed to take it all in v well and even asked to look at the verse. AMAZING RIGHT. God is so good la. This was the tangible voice of God I was just describng to joeseph Bff that day. Wonder how he is in uni anyw.

Im gna finish cinderella's sister, my photo album, clean up the house and download my music tmr. And yes fam dinner. I feel bad that my fam hardly sees me arnd these days. Im just gng out like mad. This is like my routine, I sleep late, I wake up late, I go out late, I reach home late, I sleep late. So when my parents leave the house Im sleeping, when I reach home they are sleeping. Not good la eva.

2010-08-16T02:01:00.002+08:00

I must not be sad that Im leaving in 2 weeks. I guess thats the craziest thing abt being me. I hide my feelings so well I get confused sometimes. Joe is kinky bff says tt if Im afraid of pple yet I can act super not afraid, be so sociable and end up making everyone like me, what in the world was I feeling in the beginning? As usual, he maketh much sense. He always does la. I think I might die for the first 4 mths or so that Im gna be in china for. No iphone/bb means no whatsapp and I cannot communicate w cal or ryl. And since Im sucha online freak no one would get me. Trust me. Esp when I have almost 99% sworn off MSN alrdy.

I am v v v v frustrated with organizing a TIES outing. Im not complaining at all but.. has ANYONE else initiated anything at all before. Im nt even talking abt planning here leh, just initiating.

Official packing begins tmr. I have cleared my room like hell, When you come visit me, confirmed surprised at the space my room actl has now.

2010-08-14T01:11:00.002+08:00

Dearest ryl bb, I just want you to know that Cal and I are always here.

2010-08-13T00:51:00.002+08:00

Ok i totally changed my pic after 2 days only cuz i think my portrait one taken at the studio altho looks damn chio but yknow.. looks like those orbituary one la can.

Anyw my bff joe is kinky has officially professed his bff love fr me. Now one more person doesnt want me to leave. Its so wierd that in TL joseph and I were never thaaaaat close and we really quite are now. From dover soccer matches to boonlay outreaches... surreal la. Anyw joseph has a cute wat of making you feel special, he is so hell smart nus law leh! But the way he appreciates pple, you can really tell its frm the heart cuz he doesnt sound his usual witty self, he doesnt make jokes. he just.. appreciates you in a v Godly way.

Wlao im damn freaking hungry now. I wonder if D felt weird when we hugged just now. Aside smsing lessons I need hugging lessons. Just now I pressed my side/face into Ross' neck it was daaaaaaamn weird hahahahaahha. Habe you ever had a hug moment? like you know you are gna hug this person and u feel that he/she knows that are gna hug you soon/shld hug you? thats a hug moment. like a kiss moment la, how a couple chooses the right time for a first kiss. In my life I only had true hug moments twice. One with Yen after A level results, we were in church and she knew I was hurting badly but I just pretended to be ok. Then I knew she wna gna hug me and she did aft 3 secs of me thinking it. You know its a genuine hug moment cuz.. pple like Yen dunt do hugs. The other was.. just now. D hugs me a lot. Ive learnt to take it in my stride tt pple of his kind hug a lot. H hugs me, R hugs me. Im sure if I know more of his pals they will all hug me too. BUT just now..... total hug moment. I was thanking and hugging R, then D could have gone into A's car but he just hung arnd and watched.. as i was talking to R i was totally thinkg 'dunt go into the car yet dunt go into the car yet!!' and D dint and walked to us and..... yeah.

30th Aug dunt come please

please God, please make this one hold

2010-08-11T23:14:00.003+08:00

amazing night. Amazing company. Amazing refreshing of my dreams.

Jealousy, inadequacy, inferiority, insanity aside. I really wna marry D and see what the future holds fr us. I always do the wrong thing at the wrong time like letting my bag come between us when you hug me or pouting fr no reason when you mess my hair up. But i just really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really like you.

Let's just wait.

2010-08-11T15:45:00.003+08:00

Us trying t make Ali feel tall

Hi spencer I love you too but I think I might stop hanging out w you one day v soon cuz we are too lazy and similar for our own good. I swear anyone who comes near me will have the slack vibe too. Our high action packed food trip turned out to be major slack at his plc where I just watched my kpop awards and he watched his lousy HK drama.

Had a very good time w CY A and XH ytd, i just feel reaaaaally bad that I was kpopping a lot and they hardly sang. Anyone wna go sing k with me but will let me sing a lot a lot a lot of kpop songs pls contact me! I promise i will give you a lot of entertainment cuz I will just sing and dance at the same time and it is really v v v v funny to see me do that I assure you. They 3 were laughing at me like crazy esp when I was dancing to heartbeat and heartbreaker.

Kinda slowed down my packing momentum. Room looks awesome now tho! Really has the effect I wanted since sec4, too bad I cant savour it for long. My mum keeps asking me whether I wna buy this buy that wlaooooooo, I really have A LOT of pants/jeans/berms now la. KhunToria FTW~~~

2010-08-02T16:57:00.002+08:00

today marks the beginning of me throwing my memories away. 28 more days and im struggling to keep whatever's close to my heart. I was convinced that i was only gna bring clothes there and throw everyth else in my room away. Now that im throwing bits and pieces, i feel it gnawing away inside of me. I miss audrey and limei so much. Re-reading their letter for me to china 2 years ago makes me miss us, the crazy shit we do and stuff we laugh at. Im really trying my best not to be sad abt everyth but really.. How can i? Im prbl the most emotional person on earth. I cry when pple win amazing race. No kidding. Homecoming on saturday was like.. I was my usual crazy kpop self bcuz seeing everyone just hurts. I smile at derek, i joke with zr i chide samson fr nt asking me fr his social when all i can think of is the things we 4 did over these 4 years. Mr sng told me to give myself a break sometimes bcuz i look strong but im secretly weak and doesnt want anyone to know. Cool right how my principal knows me sooooo well. this is prbl the only reason why i MIA once sch is over, i dunt wna face my friends, pple who make me happy. Bcuz i know those feelings dunt last forever and i dunt wna end up feeling so shitty aft every happy outing. I make every effort to lose contact w my 4A friends, saying unrealistic stuff like "lets meet up soon k" when i know i have no intention of meeting them. Ytd i told audrey that "this sucks" she asked me what sucks and really? its not that i cant go to a local uni and be with my friends that suck. Its having so many friends that suck. Esp hearing and discussing the future of our youth ytd w ct clr and james, i laugh and look happy but i feel like shit.

Im looking at the pink album that has siblings black and green. I dno if this ties us tgt but im glad we have something other than stuffed toys to call our own. Im sorry that bcuz of me we dint have a v nice and happy last memory tgt. We stopped taking photos. We dint even do half the things we set out to do. Im just glad that out of all the friendships i have, im sure i'l hold onto this forever.

2010-08-01T22:46:00.001+08:00

ok Im way tired now with a splitting headache but I still have to submit that stupid proposal/lesson plan/syllabus in 1 hr. Why does this suck.

Have to come to terms that I am not special and that we each both have our own (many) friends. Aside that, I might actl like you very much.

Luciferrrrrrr

2010-07-28T17:56:00.005+08:00

HAHAHAHHAH nice la my blog title is so satanic. Am in love with SHINee's latest single LUCIFERRRR, its damn catchy and I have no idea why they have that song title apparently :' her whisper is the lucifer' yeah thats the line that the word appears . But anyw this song is high action and I really admire their stamina and vocal line. Take a listen! I cannot show my love for my Key baby any way really. He is the coolest person on planet earth. He is the one with half his head shaved.

Proof that my korean eye smile has been ingrained into my system. Either that or I miss yen hui too much I wna be american mixed korean like how she looks like now hahhahahhahha

Miss my sister and the stuff we can do tgt when she was here. Damn you know the housework I have to do now that my bro is off on is attachment????

Hi my loyal blog readers, sorry that th lack of updates is really killing everyone. I have been ultra busy lately, not that Im busy the entire day, but the busyness just irritates me that I dunt wna do anyth at all. Busy preparing for my trip plus making sure my ex-boss doesnt hunt me down, making sure I dunt screw up my new job which hardly sucks less than the old one and also helping my damn nice colleague clear his stuff. Haniff is my colleague, feels like a friend more tho cuz he is ultra nice and really is trying to help me earn money. The money I earned last week, 3/4 came from him la. Seriously life saver. So now I must try my best to clear his shit. Hate this.

Anyw my ordeal with the Chinese embassy doesnt end here. Hate everything abt them.From their hilarious voice messages to their really sucky visa making personnel. Have to go do my medical this friday AGAIN. I hate this. I feel like crying now thinking abt the blood tests really. Its not even funny. I just read what xh wrote in the TIES book abt her medical and.. seems like she encountered the same stuff as me. ARGHHHHHHHHH. hate this. Need ultra supernatural strength to get through the medical this friday really. Woman at the embassy told me on tues after hearing our shit predicament, in chinese of course: learning is never easy. I just wanted to swear in her face la. Because of my night blindess problm I have always hated taking blood, God this sucks. Oh yeah and my medical this friday costs twice the one I took 2 months ago AND, Its the same bloody test all over again. Nice la China.

Ok shld stop complaining and look towards my bright future which is so hard bcuz I keep thinking abt my Phys Education modules and my military training modules. Like look, I can deal with the complusory Marx theories every sem but.. ARMY??? omg I cannot stop thinking abt it. And all that effort to make us fit omg please. God please dunt let me die in China please.

I really hope I can at least close one assgm today or I really bai fei xin ji. HAHHHAHHA My mother is calling the chinese embassy stupid now hahahhhahhah and how they are damn ironic that they dunt trust us when our neighbourhood docs are so much better than their private ones.

Hi I know my bro v cute. Wna date him? Btw I realize my bro has this subtle retarded look. Not kidding.

2010-07-19T12:43:00.002+08:00

I conclude that justin bieber is a mini jay. How alike are they!! And jay is just too cute la really.

Ytd I felt a lot of emotions. Things are just so weird now, how is it that I can be so friendly and normal to others but not to you? Even A said that there was joy brimming from my face. I know, I know. But why is it that even after more than 1/2 a year Im still like that t you???? Ridiculous. I need t leave

Day 1 of new job. I really hope I can earn so much money.

2010-07-16T17:13:00.001+08:00

hi ties, we need to meet up soon bcuz Im losing my mind at a very fast speed.

I dunt want this kind of social life.

2010-07-15T00:31:00.002+08:00

everyth just seems so unfamiliar now. I wish pple would at least pretend to understand me better so that they will think of ways to make me happy. Why am i always the one trying to make others happy?

Day 2 of new hair is... Ok i guess.

Because im an alcoholic. i will not judge my smoker friends. You over there who does not spend time with God, dunt judge me.

Saw joachim after what.. 2 plus almost 3 years? And guess what we were both thinking of each other ytd. How cool is that. If you read my archive like... from july 2006 till almost june 2007 its crammed full of joachim and the painful r/s we had. Or at least the pain he put me through cuz at the end when we ended everyth i realized it was me who couldn let go for.... Almost 6mths? Thats damn sad right ya i know.

Im living that crazy lifestyle again, and this time. He isnt there to stop me. Not sure if that is a good thing or not

2010-07-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

im frustrated. I look back and see that this stupid word "frustrate" has been punctuating my life and my blog. You know what a punctuation is? Its where you stop. Or at least you come to a stop, for awhile maybe but a stop nonetheless. And i dunt like stopping. I need to focus on other more impt stuff. But these frustrating things are the impt ones. Go away.

if you know me very well like how ties know me. You would know that im an absolute asshole at smsing. I dunt say the right things, i confuse pple and i talk rubbish. Thats why i hardly sms. Well i hardly communicate actl. I just talk alot, but i dunt msn sms or fb whatever. I need to take smsing lessons. Its really destroying me. D and i were smsing normally then my retarded smsing syndrome just kicked in. Yknow last time i had zagx who always like told me i shldn sms like that or i was like not answering qns. But now i have no one to listen to thats wht i destroy my own life. So everyone just stop smsing me unless you reaaaaaaally x10000 know me damn well and know that i dunt mean whatever i say over text like alicia does. If my replies are like shorter than 3 sentences its time to stop.

Im irritated bcuz i cannot find my guitar chords and the walk down sheet uncle glen gave us. Therefore im one more day away frm becoming brooke fraser.

Im thinking of dyeing my hair blonde. But you know me. So if you want to stop me frm destroying myself visually sms me before i go to the salon by 3pm tmr.

2010-07-12T09:36:00.003+08:00

the only reason why im bloggin at jon's house is cuz i will spend prbl 2 hrs when I get home before leaving agn for karaoke mania and im really super tired now just killing time before my mum leaves home and I can safely get my ass home.

vietnam made me realize 6 impt things.

1. coffee is amazing and so cheap there

2. im so lucky to be a christian living in spore, the underground churches there and the lengths at which they pray for revival over there.. unbelievable.

3. God is really preparing me.

4. I think im really really realy falling in like with D. I kept thinking of him during the trip and what our ministry could/would look like in 5 years! Nvm just pray.

5. vietnam has crazy traffic. no one gives a damn abt you. you just gotta chiong all the way forward its really damn freaky.

6. im scared.

ANYW HOW DO I MAKE MY HAPPINESS MORE EVIDENT BCUZ IM SO GLAD SPAIN WON OMGGGGGGGG. I have no idea why both teams wasted so much time esp when spain could have totally made it 2-0 waaaaay early into the game and I see now where torres picked his boring style of playing from-spain. Or mayb he brought the liverpool style into Spain and reformed them. either way, it was a good match and it brought me and D a little closer!! I have sucha bad headache now. Was struggling to keep awake esp for those who know me. I never stay awake till after 3am for like 5 years alrdy. Cannot wait for krazy karaoke later. 9 hrs its really like OMG.

I dno who to rely on nowadays. Mayb.. I shld just lighten up and let my friends lead their lives. 1.5 months only eva!!

2010-07-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

just when i thought things were getting for the better..

2am just has to come t spore this sat. This very sat. This very freaking sat. I think i shld just end my life. First superjunior. Now 2am. When in ghandi's name is 2ne1 gna come to spore huh? When I *+#()*+ is it???? Damn. I cannot take it. My CHANGMINNNNNNN and my best friend forever jo kwon!! just when im totally in love with jo kwon more and moreeeeee they have to come to spore now now now. Life sucks. Pls tell me they are stopping in vietnam before heading to spore pls pls pls pls.

2010-06-30T11:58:00.002+08:00

Ok Im officially depressed its not even funny. Like there are some kinds of depression that are a little funny? Mine isnt. I need to run away. I need to stop spending/wanting to spend time with my TL friends. My social life is like almost zilch now its scary.

Din with E an C ytd was.. E was being one mother and telling me not to go bla bla black sheep. Anyw this is random but you know whats the scary thing abt having good pals that come in 3s? We tend to keep things from each other more. And you know whats the scary thing abt saying someth is scary? The fact that you dunt feel scared bcuz you keep saying its scary. I was just telling Yvonne someth on sunday and I kept saying it was scary. Then I realized I wasnt scared of it. I just kept saying it was scary. Dumb right.

Ah 2ne1 comeback alrdy!!!! Its been too long will you 4 just get yr asses out of america and make your damn comeback!

2010-06-29T11:47:00.003+08:00

"I don't care e e e e e, I don't care e e e e e "

2 more days!! I need to control and absorb myself into after work activities.

I love my sister omg...CLOTHESSSSS~~~SHOES~~~

And I thought everything would be ok. Who was I kidding?

PINK BASS PINK BASS PINK BASS PINK BASS, Im super obsessed omg.

Hi, if you know whatsapp for me after Aug, and you love me a lot please contact me or yvonne to ask where to buy this beautiful pink bass.

2010-06-28T11:45:00.002+08:00

Im depressed.

God is teaching me to never bet on soccer again.

But I won the champions league!

Oh shut up.

2010-06-24T11:34:00.002+08:00

WHOOOHOOOO, COMING FOR ME ME ME IN 4 DAYS TIME!! We really got my sis to do a lot of shopping for her trip back. HAHHAHHAA my mum just scolded me ytd for our 12 threadless shirts order with her credit card. Whooohooo clothes!! I just need a lot of jeans and tights now :]

I really hope later works out. Joe bff is being like me and not replying my smses at all. He still dare to call me un-bff. YOU THEN AH. Yay its thurs today tmr its friday friday friday!!! Im gna get through this! Gotta finish this entire workload, cutting 1000 lucky draw coupons, sending out another 1000 letters and yay!!

I feel so sorry for myself..I used to wake up hell early on weds when the eng subs for Cinderella's sister came out just to watch. Now im waking up early every other day cuz I gotta teach tuition at night. Im lagging on my drama for 5 eps aaaaaah!!And now Im so damn tired I hardly catch up on vids and live performances as you can tell by the lack on my blogggg :{ This sucks.

Have been spamming myself with Paul Baloche, Lincoln Brewster and Casting Crowns lately. How in the world do their lyrics sound sooooo good! I have so much to learn

2010-06-23T19:01:00.002+08:00

I love they way we seem to be able to connect after a rough 6 months.

I have a very bad ache at my tummy area, its the period kinda ache but its over.. weird much.

I cannot stop counting down to the end of my work days

I cannot stop online shopping during work hahhhhhahhaha

I cannot imagine the new clothes I will have once my sister comes back

I officially hate *** bcuz they take a million years to reply my mails and my parents are irritating the hell out of me bcuz of that.

I cannot wait for tmr night where I finally meet my BFFs and happy pill David :]

I must wake up daaaaaaamn early tmr cuz I gotta tuition at night omg. Sucks.

I need to meet eliza and charis to get my sanity back.

A-Yo

2010-06-22T10:40:00.001+08:00

This sexy is the same age as my brother; 23. Why so unfair. Why so sexy TOP

2010-06-21T17:40:00.003+08:00

I wished for this, so I must pretend and psycho myself through it. I need time. Why cant I have it. I used to have a reason to probe but not anymore. ARGH WHATEVER LA IM SO VEXED I DUNT EVEN KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. Bel bel.... help meeeee~~~

I want to meet my TL friends, talk and laugh like there is no tomorrow. I wna meet my bffs joel and joseph bcuz they know me well and treat me like a girl. I wna watch soccer with good company. Above all, I wna quit my job so I can learn the guitar properly and live (oral pun) with no regrets. I wna see C and E baby again so I can be reminded of my destiny and not be affected by all this small things thats happening arnd me. I need to pray more. I want to stop wanting.

we never seem to love the right way

2010-06-21T10:55:00.004+08:00

You know sometimes I regret the things I say. But really at the end of they day I really wish all my friends were not.. Like that. Im tired of repeating the stuff I always say and Im really surprised at myself. Is it me that doesnt want a good friendship to last btwn Cal Ryl and Me that Im always the one creating the conflict? Its weird really. Its a fact that Im closer to bel now bcuz we always see each other, we are quite honest with each other, we help each other up and we have learnt to be there for each other. I really dno what to say la. Ryl Im sorry for saying what I said that day. I know I hurt you but I also felt sad it I had to say those kind of things. Ever wondered why I had too? Everyone of us has these 'seasons' in our life where we run away from God and lead our own lives. I cannot start to count how many I had. But at least I had people to pull me back, pple to encourage me and pple to tell me the wrongs I was doing. I wanted to be that person for you since 2 years ago but.. I dunt think I can anymore.

I want september to come quickly so that I can finally stop lying, lead my life away away away away and so that my friends will wake up. Like how Sing Hwa said, its damn obvious when something is wrong or I wna say someth. I just shut up.

No More No, Love

2010-06-18T12:54:00.002+08:00

I feel so disappointed in myself. Like what P said, Im like consumed with making money. I tried to work 3 jobs a day, and finally understood what pple meant by "there are not enough hours in a day". " I wish there were 25 hours in a day". I really understand now. I wish time could stretch. So that I could travel from place to place PROPERLY without cabbing, so that I can earn more money. Father asked me ytd why I want to earn so much money. I also dno. Why ah? Mayb its just unsatisfaction I get from my current job now. I do a lot of things, I earn damn little. Ok the pace I work at may be slack for corporate standards la but really the things I do? I design, I print, I search for tutors, I call pple to ask them to pay us money, I contact the media, I get our company onto the news, I write press releases, I do promotional events. I file receipts and buy everything, I find my boss a freaking maid. Ok I think the last one is really the too much one. Like wtg right? And guess how much I earn per day? Yep you got that wrong I earn $30 per day. No limit on hours. I teach p5 tuition I earn $30 in 2 hours can. I AM SO DISGRUNTLED AT THIS FACT. Everyone please come and feel sorry for me, pray for me and if you really feel for me buy me lunch/dinner. These days I try to do wrong things so I can get sacked but really, I think my boss NEEDS me cuz no other employee of his is willing to do the shit that I do. Really, I design and print leh. And Im not talking abt printing 300 pieces of paper, Im talking abt like 9000 pieces of freaking paper including changing ink and fighting with the stupid printer getting my hands and face all dirty and ya I get paid $30 per day you got that right buddy. So cannot wait for this month to end. I deserve so much more!! Granted the fact that I picked up a lot of excel, ppt and designing skills here la but.. Im not paid for it so who cares. I want to run away. But at least Im getting some money.

I feel damn sad for cheryl and I. Its her holidays this week and I havent even seen her face.

I want to get a pink guitar.

But I want a pink bass more.

2010-06-16T11:14:00.002+08:00

Today's walk in the rain to work would have been perfect without the 4 holes in my shoe.

Anyw the kids at my work place are hilarious, they just got their circumcision done and omg they are damn funny. I keep wanting to LOL damn loudly but I cant. Poise eva. Poise.

Cant believe Im gna end work in less than 2 weeks!! Cannot wait for this to be over. I need to get my normal life back. I feel like lester now, in a way. Consumed by the want of making money and buying things. God has been so good to me. Giving me opportunities and helping me speed this process up but still... I really need to learn how to manage my time and schedule better.

Cant wait for cal to be back. Im so sure this time will be much better and happier than the previous since we've all put everyth behind us whooohooo!

I miss my TL friends. Eliza baby come back quick so we can hang out w charis :/

Living He loved me

2010-06-15T12:33:00.002+08:00

" Everything you have, we also have. Just that you have it better."

OMG... BEST COMPLIMENT ABT MY BODY EVER. HAHAHHHAHHA

ok spokes, encouter weekend was amazing, we totally shld have more of such stuff jay-mes! Just camp in church frm sat to sun morning la so funnnn~~ oh btw I realize Im really a bimbo online leh, check me out frm fb to msn to my blog. When I do come online that is hahhahaha. Ok so anyw abt the encounter weekend, God is amazing not only becuz of what happened in the camp, everyone has raved abt that but really He is amazing because His plans for my life are really unfolding step by step. I rmb in Bible school I told Angie baby once that sometimes knowing God's plan for our lives so early may not be a good thing becuz there is the responsibilty to fulfil it once we know it. Example all the missionary bios we read abt, they have visions/words/prophecies made abt them when they are young hence we are like WOW! LETTA HANSEN WAS A MISSIONARY TO CHINA WHEN SHE WAAS OMGGGG ONLY 22??? See, thats the main problem abt knowing our destiny early, we want to rush and in the end blame God when things dunt turn out well/we CANNOT enjoy life becuz our destiny came too early. So... despite my fast-paced nature, God has really enabled me to quiet down and wait upon Him, and as I see His plans unfolding before me.. I am so grateful. Through this camp, I am 5cm closer to the 100000000km I was away frm my prophecy that Ps. Amos made for me in Jan. Yep, Im a little closer to understanding what it means only..5 mths down? And Im still 98% bewildered. I guess having the kids camp and the youth weekend back to back on weekends has really made my understand my place in God's work. I cant really put down my feelings in words but.. reading the encouragement cards on sunday as compared to 20 kids shouting 'bye bye jie jie eva' the previous sunday.. Incomparable. Reading what pple say of me on the cards makes me marvel at how far I have come as a Christian and how much God has worked in me. I almost cannot believe and compare the person I was 2 years ago and the person I am today. 2 years ago, I had the greatest leaders, the best bible study, the most secure youth group, the closest god-mum, great worship, awesome chemistry btwn musicians and a youth ministry on fire. Today I have really NONE of that, yet God has raised me up to be what I am now. I am so grateful to whatever I have now, the friends that have stood by me, the leaders that believed in me, the opportunities that God has given me.

So after 2 years, Im finally saying this. Im glad they left.

Like the first time

2010-06-06T22:46:00.004+08:00

Cuppycakes after a million gazillion years!!

I desperately need to do someth abt my hair. I need good fringe! And I feel like dyeing my hair black again oh shucks...

Sorry for the lack of updates! I had a real busy week, experienced a lot of negative feelings towards my work and the expectations my boss had but Im glad I had a learning platform that I prbl cant get elsewhere. Weekends has lost their usual... I dno? I just feel weird. I havent even watched my beloved Cinderella's Sister in 2 weeks la omg. Above all, Im glad God has sustained me emotionally. Im so so grateful for the support Eliza and Charis gave me over the past month that now I can face my situation head-on. Now, I just wna be a good friend. My feelings aside, I believe they need me more as a supportive friend. I never thought it would come down to this anyw. It feels like the derek and mel thing all over again, just that this is much worse and REALLY happening. I feel good tho. At least someone listens and agrees. I hope everyth turns out well pals! I sincerely wish the best :]

Just to prove to you that I can break into the k-pop industry now, I have successfully mastered the art of the eye-smile that perhaps only koreans possess. And I threw in a wink as bonus too! Who knew my hated smaller left eye looked so good! Btw, Im so for maybelline's BB cream! It makes my skin look reaaaally good hahahhha.

I hate this life officially

2010-06-01T16:12:00.001+08:00

Ham's party photos look awesome!! thanks a many Xin Hui!! Cant wait for the rest to be up up up~~~

I really hate work now. I cannot put my feelings into words.

Lets go!

2010-05-31T10:58:00.002+08:00

"At that time we were completely overwhelmed, the burden was more than we could bear, in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we believe now that we had this experience of coming to the end of our tether that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves, but in God who can raise the dead." 2 Corinthians 1:8-9 (PH)

I got a glimpse of what my future would be like in the past weekend. A short but sure glimpse that is. This is why Im still so doubtful of what Ps. Amos prophesied on me during my TL days, youth? Im not so sure man.. Im still hoping@@@

The past 3 days have been nothing short of amazing. I played like a kid, I laughed like a kid and most importantly, I looked at things through the eyes of a kid. Nothing beats 20 kids calling "cheh cheh eva" about 10 times per day. They look for me to do the weirdest things on earth. But I love all of that. One main reason why I was so looking forward to this camp was because I saw the wonderful things that came out of my own children's church camp experience. How there seemed to be endless food, crazy games and so much energy bounding about the camp. And now I found the reason why. A great camp committee really drives the camp forward. I was so lucky to be working w pple who really loves kids and do everyth they can to make the kids feel loved like how God loves them. I really x10000 admire Aunty Ju, I did when I was a kid, and more so now. She really is like a kid's dream. Loving, always there and providing everything we need. I saw the scary side of her on day1's night where she was v firm with CT and I think its awesome how all of us are so fierce to the kids yet they love us so much after that. Ah, it really takes only kids to forgive and forget so easily.

I need to take belza's advice more and more these days. She seems real gullible and ignorant to many pple out there but really.. belza is more mature than most pple think she is. Im grateful for you bel!

2010-05-24T15:57:00.000+08:00

I feel reaaaally good. Because he finally doesnt matter anymore to me \m/

How good it is.

2010-05-18T11:29:00.002+08:00

Day in day out we drift apart. Is it because we dunt value each other that much anymore or because we are running away from what we have to face up to? We need to talk.

0 days!!

2010-05-14T14:15:00.003+08:00

I just realized that all the impt men in my life have small eyes! I miss my bffs too much :/ Funny how bff is Best friend forever yet I have abt 5 of them. Shld rename it Better Friend Forever from now on.

You know ever since that day, I found that Im so much more happier and like.. I dno Happiness is like bursting out of me. Things are going well too! Yay Yay Yay must be the power of the \m/ sign la. I you everyone! Cannot wait for tonight after tuition at the girls orphanage!! And btw, work this week has been so damn slack fr me I also dno how to describe. Bcuz wa eh boss is busy with is netherlands friend I really get to do everyth v v v fast and just slack after that whoohooooOO!!!!!

2010-05-13T21:29:00.002+08:00

SuJu's latest.

No.1, why the hell is my Teukkie not wearing any under shirt. Did they run out of shirts bcuz they have 10 pple to clothe? 13 pple dint seem like a prob last time why now. He is the guy w blondish hair and abs yes but why no shirt omg really, desperate to sell his body bcuz rain and 2pm are selling their bodies too?

No.2, Im so glad they took Heechul's complaints to heed and gave him so much more air time/vocal lines this time.

No.3, I see Dong Hae has grown some muscles and ShinDong has lost some flab good on you two!!

No.4, I miss seeing Han Kyung really really really, normally he is the handsome face and the main dancer now.. They promoted my baby baby baby Kyuhyunnieeee I love you baby and his awesome pelvic thrust at 0:55!! watch it watch it!

f(x)'s latest, all I can say is... they have grown a lot and Luna is amazing.Their live performances are soooo much better. Next 2ne1? Next century perhaps.

Work was so boring and slack today that omg I managed to watch CS during work hahahhaha. And eliza baby and I spammed mail each other. I love her to bits really. Am really so much awake now. All the stuff she said to me, she is the other 10% that makes me, which aaron and I lack, hahaha explains why she and aaron are....

2010-05-12T22:19:00.002+08:00

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO MAKE MY FONT LARGER SO AS TO EXPRESS MY HAPPINESS/////

WHOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SORRY PSYCHO ALRDY. "SO WONT YOU BREAK FREE. WONT YOU BREAK FREE GET UP AND DANCE IN THIS LOVE" YEAH YEAH YEAH~~~~~ time for my all new fav sign \m/ \m/ \m/ \m/

5 days!!!

2010-05-09T23:42:00.003+08:00

Huh. Really.

LOOK ZAGX!!! I AM ALMOST KOREAN!!!!! Xh you spoilt the no teeth smile hahhahahahhahahha.

I seriously spoilt this damn nice photo la :[

Out of the 8 of us, less than half can sustain a job or at least be happy in our jobs. We really need to escape onto an island tgt and feed on island creatures then ourselves after that. Hahahah, I have no idea why i mentioned the ourselves part too HAHAHHAHHAHA.

The more I listen to my song the more I like it, so if you dunt, deal with it anyw. Next time when I sell my platinum album I will be in my press conference and say " my motivation was my mother, bcuz when I released my first song, she told me it sucked and said she was embarrassed to give it to her friends, I hope her friends buy my albums now". I kid you not she really said those words.

Everyone is reminiscing today...

2010-05-06T18:03:00.001+08:00

I think I might be losing my mind soon.

Go go go keith!

2010-05-06T10:16:00.003+08:00

Happy 19th keith! Other than me, I think you are the happiest person alive. Have never seen you sad or having much negative feelings. Was good to see everyone ytd, I kinda missed leslie a whole lot and Im nt sure whether it was bcuz I caught him on a good day/we werent talking abt depressing stuff/ the crowd was just made up of happy pple that I really enjoyed myself with him being in the crowd. Cal knows this, that leslie used to be the no.1 person to spoil my mood, but now that a lot of things has changed and my view of things is vastly diff, I think clarence chng is inching his way slowly and surely up to that spot. I kid I kid. Had a v good but short 2hrs of fun ytd after we FINALLY got into the house. Keith's friend Daryl locked th door without rmbing that humans and not cats are comg in aft that, poor belza climbed over the gate aft keith asked us to try and Im glad she did act for one reason only cuz aft tt keith stopped asking us to climb over HAHAHHAHHA, but she's damn brave anyw, her dress tore which I totally expected it to anyw, when she was on th top of the gate her dress (DRESS REALLY) looked like it was gna tear alrdy, and acc t jul, bel gave keith a damn good bday present HAHHHHHAHAHHH, but still I think belza was damn brave, I tried abt 1 hr later and totally bailed out when I swung one leg over and decided to wait at the side of the road. We lookd like a bunch of theives anyw, hanging arnd th gate and trying to climb over. J! We must go there one day to star gaze ok!! And probl try to break into that chalet :] So anyw, I had a great time w them, laughing a lot and acting super crazy. I have to say this bcuz I never really expected leslie to be so fun hahhahahhah SORRY.

P/S, at last I found someone who really uds' w/o me even saying the whole story or explaining my feelings/myself. Im amazed at th way Ryl uds' me so well that she could just hear the pain in my voice she stopped asking me anyth and walked away shaking her head.

I miss belonging. I miss the old times. I miss having nothing to do in th world but putting on my uniform, my trusty old shoes and gng to sch to see the smiles on my friends' faces. I miss getting shit frm teachers fr just being myself and not someone they want to see me be. I miss Mr. Koh telling me to wake up my idea one min and telling me he will be there for me another. I miss staring out into the parade square with the wind in my face and filling my uniform thinking about aftn lessons and how Im gna survive my sleepyness. I miss lounging arnd the lib or study lounges soaking up th aircon under the pretext of studying. I miss sitting on the swings and watch my troubles swing away with each push. The bus ride with JJ ytd was so surreal, everyth just flooded back as we were on 158 at 6 am thereabouts. It was only when I was schooling that my troubles were so minimized and only magnified after school hours. Now, there seems to be no running away from them. Its funny isnt it? That when we're schooling, school seems to be the only problem. But when we stop schooling, we demand to have that problem back again. Even the r/s probs I had when I was schooling I'd give anyth to have them all back now. At least they were sincere and seemed innocent in a way. Now with the shit Im facing, I dunt even know who loves me anym. I'd give anyth to go back to when I was loving D with all my heart.

As long as I see the light

2010-05-04T09:43:00.001+08:00

I want to sound like this. Th maturity and depth in her voice...Can someone sell it to me? Take a listen ok! Wont regret!

Whirrrrrrrrl.. wind

2010-05-02T22:00:00.003+08:00

Yay!!!!! Refreshed is out and selling like hotcakes!! Seriously, why do pple coin the phrase 'selling like hotcakes'.... Our CD is selling like Koi Bubble Tea!! I like that better hahahhhahhha. Sorry, Anyw here's me and Yvonne! And our exec producer da music man Chong Hsien Xian behind us!!

This CD really means a lot to me. Despite everyth pple arnd me, and even myself talk abt my song, its really the stepping stone to realizing my dreams. My own song. MY OWN!! I still rmb the days rushing out the song and smsing James at the same time telling him I cant do it, I need time and telling him abt Amos who wrote a song in 30 mins omg yes Amos is awsome. I rmb stoning in 'Hearing God's voice' lessons just drumming the beats to my song, flipping the bible here there everywhere to get th lyrics of my song, asking aaron to think of riffs fr me to create the song. The song isnt what I expected but I really thank God and Hsien who shortened the distance btwn my dreams and myself. Im embarking on 'Project O' now!! Im gna need a lot of help and capital but I believe I can do it. Here's to my future! Its so funny how a phrase changes in a matter of hours :]

Siao my korean smile is reaaaaally taking flight leh. It looks so natural!! And my eyes dunt look disproportionate anym hahahhahahha. Me Shenna and Charis baby! On the crazy 'Dream Big' night out w my TL friends.

Sausage fest! Hahhahah, I miss aaron and Joe is kinky bff!

Our famous 'Dream Big' day, I havent really mentioned abt this so I think I shld now. Aaron; He is the 3rd guy from the right. He is really 90% like me. We talk the same way, we think the same way, we react the same way, pple feel the same way abt us and the only 10% diff abt us is the way we control our emotions but that aside, we are really super alike. So anyw we had a mini conference on I cannot rmb what date, where the majority of the young pple frm my college class came tgt and talked abt our dreams and what we individually want to accomplish in 5 years time. After that we started sharing the things we could do tgt as young christians in Asia. I havent really shared this w anyone but.. Sometimes staying in RCC makes me so disillusioned by so many things, looking at the youth I somehow feel its the only thing thats making me stay (this is a very very very emotionally sad pun) I want to do things, I need to do things but I dunt know how to go abt doing them. Meeting the bunch at TL was life-changing fr me, seeing youths my age struggling w th same issues, a dead youth, pple who dunt care and being alone in alot of things. I was surprised at the similarities many of us shared in our home churches which was why I was evermore so empowered during the sharing session that God was gna raise us up tgt. Aaron is amazing really. A 22 year old frm Brunei comg all the way here and bombarding us with his views and his strong opinions on how we live. I really hope we dunt let him and each other down. The 'Dream Big' session ended prematurely but I think everyone felt that God was raising us up for someth so big. After TL left a huge hole, we ran out of excuses to meet up and the 'Dream Big' session was the only thing that tied us tgt. The promises we made, the prayers we made, the circle of trust we built, the pain we felt in everyone's voice and the determination that came out of it. I believe that it really is the start of someth scary but amazing in God's time.

I shared my true-est feelings with wow supergirl ytd night aft breathing v v v hard for one hr. She supports me. Then agn who wouldnt. I believed nothing in this world could move me, haha. Who knew. I think I serve a very scary God, take this any way you want. But really, He knows me so well and what rocks my boat. Th excuses I have been giving, the way I choose to escape from reality, He really knows. Hence he chose to wake me up the right way. I have always admired Jonah and am still bewildered at how God pushed Jonah to that extreme pt of obedience that if Jonah dint obey and go to Nineveh not only him but everyone on that boat would have died. Thanks God, I needed it.

May 2009, I wished that 2009 dint happen. May 2010, I wish that 2010 dint happen. I need to believe that I am living the life I choose and make with my own decisions. It seems that May is a sucky month. Come May, What? I feel like closing this blog anyhow, the person I am on this blog is so un-me. Like an un-baby. Someth created of circumstance and discarded. The things I create and the 'ME' I create to make pple believe the life I am living. Not that Im schzio or I lie while blogging la. But...just the way everyth is portrayed in my blog. Joe is kinky bff says that deep inside me lies an angsty and hurt teenager that is buried under all the happiness and joy I want to give to others. I guess I guess.

When your heart decides to split..

2010-05-01T20:07:00.004+08:00

This is my perfect korean smile that I practiced for many days alrdy. Love the mission team and the support they gave me throughout my exam period! Anyw I met David ytd and really Im sure God planned it. I went to the info counter at PS to ask where the atm was, she told me walk straight turn left, all I saw was citibank and DBS and you know me being the banking noob ( I just got my card for a week ok.. A WEEK DUNT LAUGH) so despite yen telling me since I dno when that DBS and POSB is the same.. ahya you know Im really damn dumb at this kinda stuff one so I went back to th info counter and told th girl that no POSB only DBS OF COURSE SHE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS SOOOO STUPID AND TOLD ME IT WAS TH SAME. So anyw when I re-entered DBS I saw David!! The angmoh in the pic. Anyw David is really.. Indescribable, from his life I get inspiration to hold onto D, David is a missionary and is 28 and he just broke up w his gf last year. Lots of pple tell me to hold onto my feelings fr D bcuz they will break up. I know that all my friends are just consoling me bla bla since D is like 24 and Im sure once he gets into a r/s he shld be spiritually and emotionally serious abt it. But David really.. Im sure he was so attached and serious abt his ex. A missionary leh!! He must know th limitations of his job and hence chose/decided on the girl becuz he was serious and they still broke up!! So.... Im really thinking alot these days abt D and just abt everyth la. I mean honestly my feelings fr him have faded but they havent gone away. Even if I try my utmost best to busy myself/do all sorts of stupid things la... Its just hard. I dno man, esp with J and B now.. I always thought how life was so much simpler and easy when I just liked D. Ah go away.

Ag's bday celebr!! Note to self: If everyone cant make it next time, forget abt planning the event on that day. I realized that ever since j2, We tried our best to have full Ties celebs or outings. Sec 3,4 and j1 always saw us w un-full Ties and ytd was the first in a year I think that we dint have full ties. Its hard with Melly in poly but I realize the meet-ups always remind me of the fact that despite us being so diff and busy with our lives, the efforts we make to meet up mean a lot. Esp melly, we all miss her so much but... I guess the distance is felt whenever we meet up. Sorry melly! Co-ordinating btwn 8 pple is no joke but really, whenever we meet up I just feel that nothing in the world can tear us apart. We laugh, we bitch, we stuff ourselves. We've changed, pple judge, but its hard to change the feelings we've had for each other over the 4 years or so. I was just thinking the other day, considering my MIA status, the pple I will stay in contact from sec sch/JC shld just be Ties and Alicia. Oh well..

I told myself to let go, let God. I did for mayb 2 days but he came rushing back in on Friday. Im not sure what to do now. Being the vague and avoiding person he is, he dint even deny/say anyth abt th boyf part. It irritates me. This state of un-assurance. C baby told me that he shld be serious abt S, but th scary thing abt J is that, or actl pretty much everyone, everyone has a secret side to them where they do and say things that pple dunt know. Which is why I fear, abt a lot of things. Like what C always says : I feel like Im cheating on him. HAHAHAHHAHAH. B and I have reached a pt in our friendship where Im so comfortable with him its uncomfortable. Not the bad uncomfortable la, but I realized Im super easily irritated by him. Mayb cuz I set really high standards for him? Not sure. But when we meet, a lot of eye-rolling in each other's faces goes on. At least its mutual la the sarcasm and irritation hahahhhaa.

Btw, Im sure bel hallucinates.

100%

2010-04-26T10:58:00.002+08:00

I love this picture other than my disgusting smaller left eye.

I felt as tho life stopped fr a week. My beloveds who left me for cute little kids and serving God in indo.. I really missed them! I dno how life is supp t resume frm here tho, J is gng into NS on weds, I asked him abt him and S.. He is his usual vague self, tho I can sense I hint of them being closer, intuition..Really. On another happy note, other J bff smsed me a super long sweet msg ytd!! Its abt th longest he ever textd/talked t me, Im guessing th trip made him realize that when Im nt there things are really diff. GUESSING LA K. And I love smsing josef is kinky bff, he is super funny. I was telling him ytd how I had hiccups and looked super retarded on th bus, he said "do a hand stand while singing auld lang syne and clapping to semi-quavers, that shld do the trick" and he calls me an un-bff just cuz I texted pet 6 hrs before I textd him, petty siaaaa.

ANYHOW... My freaking tuition kid flashed at me ytd. Cut th long story short, he said he hid someth in his pants, then pulled his pants down and said "hee hee my under wear" then he pulled his underwear down and said "hahhahhhhaha my ku ku jiao" i dunt usually say this but WTF. THEN .. he turned arnd, pulled his pants down and said "hahhhahaa my buttocks" I told yen first of cuz and she told me to tell his mum. Lester was a huge idiot, just kept LOL-ing and wished me good luck. He either thinks Im sexually mature to handle this kind of things or he is just hinting at me not to call him next time Im sexually harrassed. Honestly, I keep wanting to give this kid up, he is psychotic.

2010-04-20T12:24:00.002+08:00

2Pm's banging comeback! Cant say my baby woo is hot cuz his body has been so-so only but..His vocals are rocking!! Check it out fr yrself, he's th one doing th entire bridge ohhhhhh baby woo ilu!

Ok so anyw I went fr my medical fr china unis today and... It sucks big time. It was mostly ok safe th blood test thing. Long story short, th uncle couldnt get any blood frm both my arms so he started to take frm my wrists. This is after poking holes into th crooks of my arms to check fr blood. At th wrist, after like 3 mins he was still taking I was like Uncle why so long! He said at yr wrist there v little blood la. So he took frm th back of my palm, dno what that is called too. after taking half a tube, he said oops not enough and tried to take frm my right palm. Omg i tell you it was like hell. I started tearing not cuz it was pain or what but cuz he kept poking here and there and I kept thinking th needle will break if I anyhow breathe or move so I started to think of marrying D and happy thoughts like eating a lot. Then suddenly my right hand with th needle started t bleed a lot and was super painful, then th uncle asked me pain right? OMGGGGGG I seriously hated every sec of it.

dearest J...

2010-04-14T01:43:00.002+08:00

There are so many qns I wna ask you. Th past few days have been insane.. All th talking, playing arnd, getting to know each other so much more.. Telling my team that I wont be able to go fr th trip was painful. Bearable at least. Seeing and hearing abt th kids, packing th clothes to give them and imagining life filling these piece of cloth, th smiles and th hugs after wearing this seemingly old clothes yet beautiful and cherished by them. Hearing David tell me that Im impt to th team, hearing him ask me to delay my education by 6 months. Teaching my team the games and songs I planned fr th trip alrdy. I thought I was strong, I still am. But a single 'WHAAAAAT? AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH' and a ' dunt worry abt it, I will take care of you, I will pay for it'.. it tears me up. C asks me if I have any feelings fr J. No there arent. But what is this that I feel in me, mayb as C baby says how A is a drug t her. Th 2 hrs at th lan shop ytd were unbearable. I had B on one virtual side, me struggling to keep my mind while texting him and J on the other pouring his 'lifelong secret' to me

I always see actors/actresses mouth this damned words but I never saw myself doing it one day.

" don't be so nice to me"

What a week.

2010-04-09T16:02:00.003+08:00

This week has been emotionally intense. Th 5 of us.. Me, J, A, C and E. I have no idea why Im caught in the middle. Ytd at arnd 12 midnight A C and E all textd me all abt th same thing. They all apologize fr dragging me into it yet really value my opinion.. Cmon, as th person who is seeing everth I think its all a joke la. Other than E, I think A and C are just gng in circles. I really admire E for her courage and maturity in handling everyth really. Then agn, I think C really got th worse lot of everyth. A is an asshole la. I think when he goes back to brunei I will be secretly happy. He and I are 95% similar, which is why since Feb I alrdy could forsee what would happen and guarded my heart. See la! Now E and C have fallen into his trap. Ok not trap per se thats damn mean but still! I was damn mad at him ytd and told him he was a hypocrite for nt controlling his emotions when he totally knws he shld and can. Thinking back abt what happened btwn me and C abt K right, wliao... its like a huge entire joke now la. And anyw, I asked C and E both seperately ytd whether this issue will affect their friendship with each other. Ahya you know girls are damn bitchy one. They both said no, they have a common experience and "enemy" now. OH YEAH OH YEAH? Funny but C dint seem to tell E th most impt thing tt happened btwn her and A huh?? Even when I told ryl abt it she was like 'omg what th hell?? how come bible sch pple like that one.' Yeah you tell me la. And E was th one who told me "if I can get over it so quickly, she shld learn t cope w it quickly too" oooooooh bitch alert! Why man why, why make me feel so uncomfy w all this exclusive info huh! And anyw, seeing what has happened btw A C and E, I have decided to never to anyth abt what I feel for J, besides... I dunt feel much fr him. And he supports Liverpool so get a life. I will never. NEVER have a second thought abt someth serious w someone who supports liverpool as well. NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER. yeah yeah I know I adore Liverpool and all that, thats why a common love for the Reds shld never come in btwn me and my other half.

Back to basics. This pickacha was taken in febby, when we were all happy little students, no complications nothing.

I must get used to this. Taken ytd 8th feb in our college campus. I must get used to th fact that th familiar old red brick building will always be there but not us. E said someth that day. Zaiyin is comg back fr SOL starting mon and it will be hell fr him bcuz he is comg back to th same campus but its a whole new grp of friends, th same old memories created w new pple. Sighza, I wonder how things will turn out after we come back frm Indo, after we leave our friendships behind and are forced to embrace the new future in front of us, no more excuses to return to ceylon except fr katong laksa. Anyhow, xiang baby looks like a supermodel right!! ACTIONNNNNNN

I just finished God of Study and whoa, is it a revo drama or what. Great ending, great acting. I marvel at how these kids who are like 16-19 can act so well and cry so easily just to match th script. Really really good. Great storyline, teaches a lot abt how t study and wow! Korean edu system is so hard? They learn so much stuff that I have never heard of in my entire life la. Awesome show anyw, dld-ing th OST now hahahhhaha.

Hello Yoo Seung Ho how can you be so perfect your eyes are... Indescribable. I think it will be very dangerous to marry me. You just need t have small eyes. And YSH's eyes are so attractive cuz when he smiles! his lower lids (Im sure they are eye bags) will just make his eyes so cute and small omg spazzing alrdy shld stop now.

Love shldn cost a thing

2010-04-07T11:15:00.002+08:00

Had a serious evaluation abt th days aft graddy w eliza and joel ytd at singpost. I think I have a lot of probs, a lot of things to do but when I list it all down and really think abt it, I realize that I am capable of so much more. Eliza voiced what was in my heart fr a long time. Th attachment we have t each other we 5 is incredible. She said "Im afraid that God may come and rock our boat anytime bcuz we cling onto each other so much" We are spiritually mature granted. But I think its becuz we have that view that we are exploring other areas or relationship that could exist. Its scary what C told me ytd,I was bewildered th entire night and hence my reactions towards J. Not to sound judgemental and all but.. Im thinking her reactions towards A is like that becuz of th void J left in her. Not desperate or anyth but when she told me abt what she and A did my heart was like !!!! I long ago gave up on A alrdy bcuz we are seriously super similar, th way we think, th way we want things t work out and th way we want pple t view us. He even told me last month "we can never end up tgt, we are too similar la, its like looking at my little sister" Thats how similar we are. But how he is treating C now is someth I will NEVER do. Oh gosh.

Im glad to see how our Tung Ling friendship has evolved. Now we arent only late night buddies, we are all prayer buddies. I sowed th seed ytd telling them tt we shld start praying fr each other's churches and youth ministry bcuz honestly, if I cant get any support frm my own church/youth I shld start looking elsewhere instead of hoping and praying God will give it t me 1000 years ltr right. Thank God for J's enthusiasm. Why does he keep sending me th wrong signals Im fed up

2010-04-05T12:58:00.002+08:00

As if things couldn get worse than this.. "you must get at least 3H2 passes, then they will even consider you, what do I tell them when they ask me why my daughter like that".

I need a serious break. I know my life seems slack and carefree to everyone right now. Wna trade?

Parents shld watch God of Study

never say goodbye bye bye

2010-03-30T09:51:00.004+08:00

I totally knew that this day would come. Was at th airport for th first of our farewells. Dearest Vippy (in green!) went back to his home country in nagaland ytd and Im so super glad that he decided not to look back as much as he wanted too. I cried la duh, Im so zhong gan qing one and I think Aaron was v affected too, he kept quiet since Vip left. Sigh... what can I say. I only became closer to Vip like in Feb? After I led worship and we started talking and all. And only became super close in March when we sat tgt in class, talked and played and really did a lot of unforgettable things. I still rmb during one cell meeting w Bethel we were discussing abt the top 3 guys we would choose in class, dunt judge us ah.. I chose Vip Amos and Joe Moe. I think its bcuz I really can connect w Vip and bcuz of his eyes!! muahahhahahha and bcuz he has a real heart fr God and children la. Sian man, we were saying how Vip would prbl be th one where we will NEVER see again in our lives bcuz he stays up in the mountains and he cant possibly come out agn. VIPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! :[ :[ :[ :[ :[ :[ :[ :[ :[

Thank you to all th special pple who came fr my graddy! I really x1000000 appreciate it.

Church pple!

Ties are love to th max!

Hello aaron you are my sunshine, dunt be sad over yr farewell alrdy ok! :]

all in a week

2010-03-28T23:23:00.004+08:00

Bobby Cheong took th nice instax you shit. He invented a real nice position to take the intaxs :] I really x1000 think bobby's style has changed A LOT. Not sure where he picked it up frm. You mean VJ made him so cool?

Felt super comfy when we met up. Im glad nothing has changed btwn us. Collectively I havent seen everyone in abt 1.5 years its that scary. Even when I think I or any one of us has moved on with life, it seems that our friendship will only pick off where we left it.

I love you hazel baby, I so wna adopt you :[

Graddy! Hazel, Hannah, Xiang baby, Me

Prayer buddy! ;]

Top: Louise, Angeline, Lis, Pet

Bottom: Hazel, Xiang, Hannah, Me

Had a rude wake up call on fri night at sleepover in TLBS in aaron's room. Th 6 of us charis eliza aaron joel tan wx and joel tan and me had a great talk till 4am and I couldn take it I just conked out. I couldn believe and I still cannot believe what I heard that day la. Thank God or not that I dint reveal as much as aaron prodded me. I was almost gng t say th name when he kept on asking but OMG luckily I dint. Normally I dunt read stuff wrongly one. Like seriously. Thats why mayb it only works fr others not fr me. I can tell almost immediately when pple are behaving 'weirdly' arnd each other but fr me........ I guess I really got it wrong this time? BUT! Right before it all happened aaron and wx were alrdy behaving and talking wierdly!@@@!!#@# Omg super irritated now. So much for 'being honest'.

Nothing has changed, and I actl feel better abt everyth now. Mayb being myself and not going out of the way really works :]

I am so tired I think I can almost die.

2010-03-22T20:46:00.002+08:00

Today I learnt a new meaning behind the phrase "Unequally yoked". Christians always use this phrase to illustrate to their non-christian friends or christian friends alike how they want/need t find a spouse that is a christian too. Today, our lecturer told us that she waited fr her hubby 6 years bcuz he dint think she was called to th mission field like he was. To be "equally yoked" not only means to find someone who is a christian, but to find someone with the same calling. I really thought that love will bring a lot of pple very very far in life, but now th calling thing has got me thinking a lot. Do my parents have th same calling? When I was younger or mayb even just recently, I always thought finding a guy who loves God and me a lot would be ok. But now I guess its really v diff. I can answer your qns now lester! You always ask me whether there can be more than one person meant fr ourselves in our lives right. I think now I can safely and firmly say NO. We may be able to love more than one person in our life, but God surely has that one special person. Many may love me and I vice versa, but I guess only one will have th same calling as me. WOW. Have been clinging onto so many dumb things fr th past 2 years, just purely thinking that my feelings and prayer will bring me and D tgt. Even th recent or nt so recent K thing w the owner of Tjaden :] I guess love will never bring us that far.

2 more days :]

2010-03-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

B2st's newest song SHOCK!! I was so right when I supported them over MBLAQ when they both came out la. Love SH my baby and KK's thrust at 3.05 OMG

O.M.G. 2am are you sure this is you? Auto tune, dancing OMG. Sorry 2pm WHO ARE YOU.

How in Ghandi's name is SNSD gna compete w 2NE1 with this..... Song? Hyoyeon is awesome tho. And SeoHyun really surpassed my expectations.

Ear worm fr like a month. How is T-ara so awesome??

they were this only 3 months ago, you tell me la..

If you think Kpop has no good vocals, think again. Super impressed by th second singer during th chorus. Her voice is not overly powerful yet her high notes are whoohoooo!

2010-03-21T22:42:00.002+08:00

Charis baby, me, Joel, Shenna, Aaron and Eliza with Joel Tan WX's hand

As you can see, we are all SUPER DIFFERENT PPLE I THINK WE WILL DRIVE EACH OTHER CRAZY REALLY.

BBQ at dean's thats my beloved cell Bethel and my mortal uncle rudy who is a PASTOR frm phil and 62 yrs old dunt judge him ok..

So much has changed :/ happy 19th baby melly. Even if you dunt know it, you are still as special as the rest are in my heart

2010-03-20T11:29:00.002+08:00

I love you BFFF, you are my sunshine :]

You know they always say if you look intently into someone's eyes fr more than 6s you will have a super high chance of falling in love? I always try to avoid pple's eyes bcuz of this really. BUT, what happens if you HAVE to look into his eyes and you both are singing with emotions brimming out of your eyes and your voices? I swear someth changed btwn me and J after that. Im also sure he felt it.

Um hi sorry but...

2010-03-12T19:38:00.003+08:00

HOW CAN ANY GROUP BE SO AWESOME, FIERCE AND IN YOUR FACE PLEASE TELL ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. What kind of fashion is this omg you tell me la. CL you are amazing how can you be th same stupid age as me.Oh minzy, can you be more awesome.

School this week was... extremely weird I dunt even know the words to describe it. Am doing an event w aaron tmr at smu! Call me if you are arnd th area! He says we will crash bcuz we hardly practiced but.. Ahya no worries la. First time doing couple duets live anyw so kinda :O and its w aaron so im even more :O

Where do I go from here?

2010-03-08T19:06:00.004+08:00

I think many pple are amazed/surprise/shocked/relieved that I can get over my results so quickly. Am I pretending to be ok, taking on a nonchalant attitude or what? Actl, I seriously dno. I think th only thing I can do now is to focus on God's goodness and not focus on my failures. I think its quite useless anyhow trying to brood over everyth and nothing. I will just trust in God la, I really cannot do anything now. Im glad for all my friends really, everyone who did as expected and better than their excpectations, Im seriously really glad fr you all. As for me.. I think I did better than expected. Generally, I think it was really God's grace that pulled me through.

P/S, whats worse than waiting? Knowing that there is a response but the other party is just SO uninitiative

Found myself seeking solace in my TLBC friends aft results. Awesome time jamming and talking rubbish till we 4 Ds and 1 S almost went mad. They still cant believe Im a D when I have the brain of a 5 yr old.

Nothing better :}

2010-03-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

I serve a God who is faithful, He will never fail.

2010-03-02T22:52:00.002+08:00

OMG JERRY AND ELLA ARE PERFECT!!! AM STOPPING MY SELF FRM WATCHING BTS STUFF IN CASE I FALL MORE IN LOVE W THEM. THEY HAVE SUCH GOOD CHEMISTRY AND OMG OMG OMG HE IS SO SHUAI I WANT TO MARRY HIM!! THEY REALLYX10000 LIKE EACH OTHER EVEN OFF SCREEN LA CAN. Anyw, the ke zhong guy is really alrdy 98% of my ideal alrdy. Really.

here we go..

2010-02-28T21:41:00.003+08:00

One week left till results. Seeing how quickly last week passed, Im not surprised if this flies by. Thurs and Fri really zoomed past, mayb cuz th topic: Calling and Destiny was more interesting and our lecturer was kinda entertaining. Have had bouts of sudden anxiety and fear throughout th week and I will just feel cold all of a sudder. Today Clarence told me someth which I was seriously v freaked out by. Not in a bad way, and I dunt wna read too much into it, but it kinda corresponded w th dream I had in sec4 abt D. V V V worrying..

Ep 8 of DWL: Jerry (Yu Ping) says that th full moon gives one unexplained courage. I HEAR YOU JERRY. Had unexplained courage ytd and esp today. And random but.. I think belza has really changed quite abit. She seems to be happy fr me when...? And she focuses so much on th end that she doesnt really wna hear/bother abt th process. Its all just.... weird. Anyw, press on B! I believe you will find your security one day :]

My lifelines in school. That day aft prayer pet just mentioned that when we 3 hold hands its a super funny combination. I super think so lor. 3 of us are like the perfection of racial harmony.

I love these guys w an indescribable love. 4 years have done a lot to the friendship btwn us, and Im still glad tt despite it all, I can rely on you 3 as much as you guys can rely on me. It is the common belief that best friends cant be found in the opposite sex w/o one party wanting more. I fully agree, thats why there are 4 of us.

We will make it pals! ^.^V

2010-02-25T21:21:00.002+08:00

today was a good day. to make it real short, I really love my cell mates. we know each other fr barely 2 mths yet I can trust them so much. Esp th BBTC girls, they really use th word to encourage pple and it means so much that every word they say is actl God's word. Finally opened up to th problm in my life and that that affects my spiritual walk. Felt real good, and im glad that they can now at least appreciate whatever they have in their churches and youth minstries.

Am hooked onto a latest drama. Down w love starring ella and jerry yan. Its omg amazing. am onto ep 7 and its still funny and sad. Cried abt 5 time alrdy. Even if th plot becomes worser frm ep 10 onwards i dunt think i will really mind. jerry is perfect i can just stare at his face and feel my heart beat. he is mega ^%*&{)*)(^ good looking! and his gaze... OMG

Have a new sitting partner joel. Lovely. Asked aaron to help me do my demo finally! He asked me to sing it to him today so that he can figure out th chords fr me. so nice right! but bcuz I was too damn shy to sing it in front of so many pple i told him nvm i will figure out myself. DAMN IT LOR. can totally make my life so much easier if he did it.

Tmr will be a good day :]

UPDATEEEE!

2010-02-20T00:12:00.003+08:00

TODAY WAS U DAAAAAY FR US!! Well fr th 20 odd of us that still have our unis that is.

Eliza hazel charis hannah!

I was sooooo looking forward to wearing my uni agn bcuz, NO MORE THINKING WHAT TO WEAR, NO NEED T IRON AND OMG ITS SO LIGHT, compared t jeans or any other top its so freaking light and thin and I can sit anyhow I want plus I sit at th corner so I can just un-glamly open my legs. Love my classmates fr being so random and crazy like I am. And really no one believes I look like that in school. Had my cheek pinched/rubbed like 3 times today coupled w th phrase 'OMG EVA YOU SO CUTE!! WHOAA EVANGELYN YOU VERY CUTE LEH!!' Aunty joanne th best, she said like twice t me, 'Ahyo this Evangelyn ah, I dint know you so cute leh! You guys shld have told me I would have worn my CJC uniform!" and she is like 40 plus really. Had a blast still today, had soooo many pple asking me what sch I was from." HUH Dunman have JC one meh?" So much fr being top school lehzxzxzxz. Why must school pass so so so so quickly sia. Oh ya Aaron was super smart he was th only one who dint say cute and said adorable whoohoooo! Bet he knew I would have kicked him harder in th ass if he did otherwise. I came to this conclusion that Aaron flirts w all th girls except me bcuz we totally can read each other so well. He just needs to do someth or I say someth that I prbl havent finished and he knws what I mean immediately and I vice versa.

Huimin even said that if she saw me like that out of college she wouldn recognize me. OK LOR YOU WIN.

Aunty Violet who is 30 OMG totally dunt look like right! And my sitting partner Sam!

Left Charis and right my baby Xiang she is soooooooo pretty right!! In real life she is even prettier and she is so nice and she loves me :] She is a meathead la, says TJ's uni is too ugly so she doesnt wna wear it hahaha

My prayer buddies for life! Iva and petrina

They went fr a student sponsored outing aft that. So cheapskate right, get discounts at student rates JUST CUZ OF TH UNIFORM. Bet they were planning it since day1 of sch la. ANYW CAL CAL CAL. I dunt have bad taste ok you pig! Th one you saw was th wrong one!! He is wearing th beanie!!

The nurse gang!! Hazel Shenna and my smiley eyed boy Amos!

Charis my beautiful unglam partner for life. No one can beat us like we, each other. I did someth new t my hair!! Spot it spot it? And I was so attempting Amos' smiley eyed korean look

Bethel to the B at SummerFrost! I think SF shld pay me really, I help them advertise like mad la, and why their bowls must get smaller and smaller you tell me?

Anyw, Im tired out proper despite having sch of 3 days only. Th past 3 days have been a mental turbulence fr me really. We're onto more deeper and theological stuff now and its not nice at all. Questioned my faith and the bible more than 5 times in 2 days and I really wondered how easy it is to drop every thing and walk th other way since ALMOST EVERYTH we believe in is a birth of faith in what? Sigh, thats why... Being too smart is really nt a blessing. Who says we uds everyth quickly. More like we question everyth la. Wonder how chuan yi and amos do it, they are so freaking rooted in th word and yet so smart at th same time AND accept most of th stuff our lecturer says. I for one think that some of th stuff he said was absurd really. Full day tmr agn, sometimes I really regret teaching at the homes, esp th boys home. Its so out of the way and far, and the boys test my patience to the maximum really. Random but aft reading abt a chapter of my book fr my assgm due on monday and I havent even started reading much, I decided that Im only gna marry someone called Moses or Samuel. Whoa so convenient right, hahhahhaahha my college mates and cal will prbl know this better, my college senior who graduated alrdy meets my ideal guy fr abt 90% and his name is Moses WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. PLUS HE IS FAIR, HAS NICE ARMS PLAYS TH BASS AND IS GODLY. He is mine muahahhhahhaahhaha

P/S, Eva you need to stop now. I think I never really comprehended th full/real meaning of stop. I keep telling myself stop but aft a few days th whole cycle goes on agn, and when I want to stop I find that I am out of control and when I come to a realization pt I find that I wasnt th one who initated the STOP and am back to pathetic sq one. Everyth just exploded and when I try to ignore and lead my life I somehow cannot. Why dunt I have self control why why why. Have I really reached that ridiculous pt of reliance (alliteration! :] ) that I myself despise every time I return to doing the same old thing? Belza is really right, I am so being manipulated and made use of I dunt even recognize myself anym

2010-02-14T17:12:00.002+08:00

I miss my BFFF too much!

Havent seen th pple in this photo fr like 2 weeks! Belza I need someone to talk to!

Recently Ive been so in love w this song, if you think SNSD can only shake their asses, act cute/pretty and sing lame songs then you are damn wrong. This song shows EVERY single member's vocality esp my favvie HyoYeon! Im sure you cant guess who she is :/

This is th fast song Oh! Rmb to watch in HD :]

Just had abt th most amazing week of sch. We had conflict reso and Jewish roots and my mind was really blown away on thurs when our lecturer went through th r/s we Christians have w th Jews. Its like A-MA-ZING. Have an increased burden fr th Jews now! Passover on thurs night was super interesting, got to uds what Jesus went through before he died and we had a great dinner! I am so amazed at th little things I know! Really need to read th bible more and fulfi Ps. Amos' prophecy abt me being more equipped in th word. Will upload th pics we took tt day! Everyone dressed super nicely fr th passover la! Aaron looked super metro and Amos wore contacts so his eyes were like whoaaaa! Asked charis to take like 5 shots of his eyes :] Had th external band on thurs agn and I was super |] (smile until cannot see my eyes) to see my 'fair-nice arms-bassist' He is like 90% near my ideal of a guy! Aaron is like 70% near it if only he wasnt so irritating :]

Am so excited t see my pallys on tues! Miss them to th max la really. Am having th time of my life in TLBC but I really miss them at th same time! Its th CNY season and Im so grateful fr this break to read up on a lot of stuff and settle a lot of my feelings. I have a super weird feeling in my heart now la serious. And yeah I miss my sis a lot now, I think its just th CNY period? Like we're having reunions and all, then its weird that my sis isnt arnd this time. Had a really weird talk w my bro ytd. Funny how I give him advice when Im supp t be so much younger compared t him in this area. Anyw, I have been thinking a lot abt D this week, I wrote a song abt him during th 1.5 hrs break I had on weds at th girls home. Its an entirely secular song that I built upon 'Two is better than one', so I just wrote abt my exp and how things progressed over the years. Its called 'Seven Years'! Those who know will probably uds th song title hahahhahahahahha :D

Had lunch w Xiang and Hannah on fri, I really like both of them a lot esp hannah. We were just talking abt Xiang and her guy and I rmbd D agn. Its funny how pple ask me abt my love life or r/s status and my mind will automatically think abt D instead of B, weird huh? Like a line in my song " I know I'l never really say goodbye" In sch th starting pt of a lot of convos is... Do you have a bf? Have bfs before? With th girls only la. I told them that Im in a "Its complicated situation" Angeline asked me if it was a good complicated or a bad complicated, YOU SAY LEH..WHY WILL COMPLICATED EVERY BE GOOD LEI. Honestly, If I really think abt it I'd say its a good complicated.

CNY plans are so not confirmed AS ALWAYS EVERY YEAR. Why so irritating sia, till now I dunt even know what Im doing tmr la can.

i fell

2010-02-07T18:43:00.002+08:00

Thank God this week is over!! I think I led th most meaningful week of my life this week actl. All th lives I got into contact with and all th kids I got to know! Went fr a wedding ytd and it really got me thinking. Of how my wedding would be like and how I would treat my hubby! ahahhaha sorry I just got real excited watching everyth happen la. Thought abt a lot of stuff during th dinner too. sigh pie oh my.

Am gna start my new song. Was super inspired to write this song aft I was teaching Fendy on fri. Th more I teach these kids the more my heart beats fr them la. I need to do someth fr them. Exciting week of sch ahead! Gna celebr th passover this thurs w th class and our new lecturer! Conflict management up too this mon and tues, really thank God, I need it :]

Busy busy busy week ahead! Meeting th kids everyday and cheng hong at last on sat! Havent seen him in 2 weeks bcuz of th boys and girls home!

In it agn all because of 'Jesus take me'.

Jesus take the wheel

2010-02-04T11:23:00.002+08:00

I love bethel to the B!

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

I had an amazing 2 days despite being extremely sick. Leading worship has never felt so extremely good. We only needed like what 0.5 hrs to practice and they all dint know much of the songs. And the music we created was like... :O Really have to credit Zaiyin. I think jamming w drums really create such an atmosphere. And he is so talented. Actl they all are. I just needed to signal and they all knew what to do, how to transit how t end. Even the crashes are super nice led by Zaiyin! I asked some pple why it seems that in TLBC worship prac is like so smooth and fast? They said it depended on th worship leader aka me. Actl I dint really agree, look at all th good worship leaders like dom, jem tay doug. I think it really boils down to how well each musician knows his/her instrument. It doesnt even matter if they dno the song, as long as they know and love their instrument enough, they will know fully well how to craft th chords to suit their instrument. WOW la. It was really sucha good exp I dint even have to care abt anyth at all unlike.... worship back in church. sorry.

Started teaching at th boys/girls home fr a week now. Its really a diff exp. Ytd I met sucha wonderful girl I really wna adopt her. I asked her why she wasnt staying w her gmum since her one yr old sister was she said: 'My mother and father.... Dno where they go already la.' Then I was like omg and changed th subj. I am fully aware that th kids there have no parents but I wasnt prepared fr them to be so honest abt it. She was telling me all abt her friends and her sch life and she asked me : 'Cher, are you scared abt th world ending?' She told me abt her fears of all the natural disasters and how she wants t live. Sigh, they need God so much.

Thankiew

2010-02-01T01:15:00.003+08:00

Tonight was sucha wow(wild) night. Just look at th time and yen just left leh. 1am!! Lester asked us both a qns and I was really pleasantly surprised when yen said...'Just mutual understanding lor' I always knew that yen and I had that kind of understanding mayb not bcuz we have known each other fr a real long time but mayb bcuz we just trust each other? Makes me think man. I keep saying and emphasizing that friendship t me is really impt and yet my actions dunt really match my words. Interesting huh. Sleepy weepy time!

seriously...

2010-01-31T09:06:00.003+08:00

Iva Shareen Eva Petrina

I just want to hide in bible school :[

Do you know how ridikuelous this is?? Trivial and even a little on the funny side. Eva please get a life and stop talking rubbish

watermelons

2010-01-29T23:40:00.003+08:00

hello one and all! I missed you!

School is awesomex10000, I wonder if I will ever come up w new words to describe school. Pple are breaking out more and more and I really marvel at how so many pple are like me. Like Joel who does th 'close eyes move fingers arnd and stop when I want to' move to choose a movie, charis who must take photos every single spare min we have and eliza who loves to talk like me me me. LOVE THEM T TH MAZZZZZXXXX, not to mention my beloved prayer buds iva and petrina. Without them, I think I would not have survived th first 2 dreadful weeks of school.

In Christ alone, My hope is found!
Love the BBTC peeps tho they are STILL a little cliqueish!
TLBC SOM Class 2010!!

Oh yeah, I hardly had th time to blog abt a v impt thing. Someth abt cal leaving this time made me think a lot. I dno why but this time really felt diff. When she left previously, in my heart its just yes yes yes Im gna see her before I can even say Ghandi! But this time, I dno why I feel as tho a lot has changed. Not sure is it cuz Im out of sch so I have more time on my hands hence I feel that her absence will mean more or is it bcuz of K. I finally told her what I really felt and thought abt everyth, it may not mean a lot to B but to me it meant quite a bit. Not sure whether what I told her was enough to count as the 'truth' but Im sure we both felt a little better aft that. I dunt wna say that a lot has changed btwn th both of us bcuz that would mean that we/I allowed someone else to come in btwn us, but I really must admit that someth has. I felt sadder as she left this time and each night/day spent w her, esp doing ryl's book was really precious t me. Mayb it was bcuz I knew I was keeping someth frm her or bcuz I really felt that there was so much yet little we could hold btwn us. Th 3 of us dint even take a single photo tgt this time know? Sighza, I just wish it would all end. It seems easier to let go now that Ive really voiced it out and asked B abt it.

Stop brooding and gna go finish my song now!

P/S, amos wrote a song in 1 hour. And it sounds awesome. Why like that.

I owe everyone a serious update!!

2010-01-22T23:11:00.005+08:00

So super caught up w sch and everyth since cal is leaving in.. 2 days? Anyw sch has been awesome so far. I think pple just cant help it being friends w me muahahha. Everyone is starting to break out of their shell and yes, Im known as the LIAR within th 2 younger cells now :] College outing at ECP was the bomb ytd!! Yes I know we so hip right! Btw my classmates range from 18-61, even hipper right! And abt half of my classmates drive :D I love it that we all can gel tgt tho our age groups are so wide! Stayed behind to play cball w th younger cells and hahhha, I found out a secret abt aaron! And I love love love Amos' slitty korean eyes! Had an awkward moment ytd cuz when we were resting I just commented how I loved Amos' slitty eyes just cuz I have big eyes so I really admire small ones and then Amos said He likes big eyes and we had a super Awkward Moment Of Silence cuz after Elizabeth started making monkey noises and said she saw someth weird gng on btwn us. Ah rubbish. I just like the fact that Amos is SUPER Godly like clarence+daryl+jeremy x10000000. And yes the slitty eyes :] Had sucha hard time keeping awake in lessons since weds!! Argh so irritating. OH YES I MUST SAY THIS THIS THIS!! THANK GOD I FOUND MY IC!!!! Seriously must thank God x100000. Actl I was kinda fine w getting a new one cuz I now can change my race to Indian/Chinese instead of Indian which I had since 15. But the 100 dollar fee is like OMG no thanks lor. But really God is great. Mum almost forced me to go get a new one on sat, but my dad and I convinced her to wait like 2 more days? And she found it in HER drawer on monday!! Waliao,I was so so so convinced she had it la, I almost NEVER keep my own stuff anyw. Cant believe 3 weeks of sch is alrdy over its almost unimaginable! After next week, Im finished w a month of school and 2 more months till I graduate!! Cant wait fr it but can wait fr it at th same time, know what I mean?

Oh say hello to my twin IVA!! She is Iva. S too so we said it would be totally stupid if we tried to differentiate by calling one eee-vaaa s. Anyw random but Iva has a totally good body really :]

Kay enough abt sch, here is after school life!!

Intl gathering part II, AZ went to hk or was it thailand so we met up w our little brother all th way frm egypt!!

I hate the way my friends all say ' Ok unglam unglam!! Then I end up being th only one looking retarded and stupid. D and R please tell me in what ways are yr poses UNGLAM

I suggested tagging all our faces in fb! And D got all th nice polars that idiot! Me and R just give him chance cuz he was th only guy and he was (faking!) sick lor.. He REALLY took all th nice ones.

Met up w my favvies ytd!! Am gna upload pics tmr cuz this lappy seems to have lost its power to detect th SD card. Am so so tired lately, keeping late nights, not good! Still hvent done my assgm God help me!! I feel so last min/irresponsible/unholy. Ok th last one was a joke :] Great friends cheer you up esp when you seem to fall fall and cant stop falling.

P/S, I AM SUPER CONFUSED ABT EVERYTH NOW. Ecp ytd really helped to clear my head a lot, I really dunt like whatever is happening now. I need someth drastic to happen fast. Its gna happen I guess, but Im still scared at how things are gna turn out.

P/P/S, there is a guy called Daryl in my class. He looks exactly like D, in my opinion la. Skin colour, hair (maybe?) Told him ytd and he tried to remove my prejudice against him cuz I told him I will hate him due to my unending hate fr D now. He is super friendly anyw, thought me a way to remove sand frm my nose! I love how my classmates are all as insane and unglam as me.

Hello everyone, Gossip Girl Season 1 (Asian Cut) is out!

No la its just us,but th more I look at it, th more I think this pic tells so man diff stories. We could write a drama of our growing up years really. How boy likes girl, girl treats girl as bff but other girl actl hates on girl 1, best friends become ex best friends, boy hates girl because of family stuff, boy and girl have a past, girl and girl are fighting over boy when boy actl likes boys. Wow. Ryl and I were just discussing how we totally can tell th role we will play just by our pose and smiles. And I like how jon's camera makes my legs look less fat :] thankiew

week 1!!!

2010-01-10T21:45:00.004+08:00

Hello one and all!! Week 1 of 2010 has passed and it has been nothing that I have ever imagined. I think I grew a lot this week and learnt that sometimes I just gotta be selfish. Nevertheless I thank God fr placing me in TLBC aside all th hustle and bustle of th city to really quieten my heart and ask God fr th direction in my life, Bel asked me ytd whether I pray abt th biggest situation in my life. Well I do everyday, esp when Im worshipping cuz I feel so strongly that this issue is hindering me in my worship life.Thank God that worship on sat went so well! I really felt good and the distractions really stopped for a good 4 hours. After that, it obviously came back agn la. But I still thank God that I came to a final decision today to be selfish. I thought abt it fr so so so long and I feel that I shld be fair to myself as well esp in this new year. Why are we making all th decisions w/o him being part of it when he IS the problem? Funny right we girls..

International Day!! Met up w my pallys I love them so much :]

Brazil, Mozambique and Chile!!

We bonded over mixed fruit and nuts and a lot of soya bean milk which i hate hate hate. We spent almost 1/2 and hr in th supermart fighting over what to buy cuz R likes almonds which i destest with capital D and she doesnt like th red spicy thing that me and AZ likes she says its smelly. Ahya culture differences la.
They forced me into telling them my tragic love story, I think it can be passed onto th whole world alrdy la, they go tell their villages and we will be famous muahahhah.

You know what, I really hate my left eye like hate hate hate. I hve no idea why it wasnt obvious in th past. But anyw I really miss rachael to th max! Th good thing is.. I find that she shares w me closer stuff when az isnt arnd BUT, i find tht we talk much lesser when he isnt arnd too! Funny huh.

Ok must go sleep now sch is at 730 tmr like omg.. Prayer week is starting am I excited!! Really love to pray ahhahhah sorry. And prophecy teaching! Super excited at what God is gna tell me through Ps. Amos!! Oh yes, And did I mention that I made a cool friend who is 90% near my ideal, just that he is kinda short. But whiteboy is No.1 when it comes to the ideal! And and and he appreciates my humor like really omg right! Both Iva and I like his accent anyw, and he sees Wu Zun like a normal person back in Brunei and says WZ is NOTHING MUCH. Go and die la Dian Kun pahahahhah. Ok sorry inside joke.

Bye love you all!

2010-01-10T00:24:00.001+08:00

Sorry but neeeded t put this in, awesome vocals no kidding. Porce watch it!!

Major Sigh Pie..

2010-01-10T00:01:00.003+08:00

Dear God, where do we go from here now? I am so exasperated, frustrated, troubled whatever -ed depressing adjectives you wna use to describe me, yes I am that. So much so that Im nt even in th mood to watch th latest Music Bank off Korea can. IMAGINE THAT. Everyone who knows says just wait till th end of Jan and see how things progress. Ah God take take take it all :[

School's in!

2010-01-05T16:52:00.002+08:00

Barbie what are you doing man, Ishi and I are twinny twins!

Pah, exhausted. School is in and I wake up 6.10am everyday just t reach sch at just nice 750am? Move arnd and its time to start alrdy. Not complaining tho there is a test this fri alrdy and my first assignm is due on 18th. My freedom is limited now, can only do stuff in th aftns, yet Im so tired I just wna come home and sleep. Decided to come home to relax before gng out to chalet ltr (gasp!) Oh yes, my transport money is running like water. Used 12 dollars in 3 days? Why is my school so far away why why why. I miss everyone. Will probl be th first to lose contact w all my schl friends cuz I hardly fb and I NEVER msn unless its life and death.Taking 14 home frm sch and passing th DHS bus stop makes me hell nostlagic aww. Self-control I will wait fr you to come back yen and see if things are still the way they are! If they are.... Means my life is really damn sad sorry.

Oh yes, abt sch. I was really sad ytd, felt super lonely bcuz out of th 50 plus pple in my class, abt 20 are in my age grp BUT, all of them came w friends, eg 8 of them are frm th same church blah blah blah. Dint feel it that much but during breaks was th worse, I had no one to eat w, no one t walk w, no one to just be with. It must suck to be an introvert I swear. Today was much better x10. And honestly, in my class there is a person called Evangela, Evangeline and yes me Evangelyn. And guess what, all of our short forms are EVA wowza leh.. Why we so creative. Buddy now is called.... Iva, pronounced as ee-va. When we introduce ourselves to others they ask us our names she says : Eee-va, and I say Eeee-va, pple stare at us and we dno what to do also. But overall, having a friend is better than not having one. Thank God! I went to sleep w dread of th next day in my heart, so thankful that He made it right fr me :]

Off to bathe and go fr chalet at pasir ris now! Why so far la why..

P/S, I think Evangela is a damn nice name really. Got ANGELA in it leh :]

Prepping!

2010-01-03T21:03:00.002+08:00

I really dunt miss my black hair at all!

what will I do w/o you ryl, I know it must suck t be you now. Sorry!!

old clique!

Thanks fr being w me today yen! I really really cheerd up so much :}

Nervous nervous nervous fr tmr!! And why is it him and nt him that asks me how I am.. Boohoo go and die

2010-01-02T14:00:00.004+08:00

Wow and I thought I was great.

Hello 2010! Am nt gna do a lengthy post cuz Im real busy lately and I think a new year shld see a new change frm my lenghty blogging style.

This year, I hope t see myself living in the moment, kinda tried it in dec and I dunt regret it at all. I hope t lie lesser. Found a lying partner in jeremy sim, its awesome th chemistry we both have. He even said: Lets be room mates in hell. muahahhahhha. Abt 90% of th things I say are lies so please dunt take me too seriously until I repeat it fr 3 times eg, I really never liked him, I really never liked him, I really never liked him. :} My 2010 started of with a bang, I spent it w pple I loved, I said things I wanted to get off my chest and I guess altho I dint seem v honest t my close friends and myself, I was at least honest to you. You might nt know it, but everyth I said was fr a reason and every word I said I really thought abt it a whole lot. Im sure you are smarter than I think you are. Muahahahhahha. Sorry but i really think my brain degenerated a whole lot after camp and a lot of time spent w girls who are really so unlike me that I turn a little like them, nt that Im complaining but... Its just diff la.

Met up w a few favs ytd and I was really really happy. Told my tragic love story to them and... wlao why are we so selfish. I must nt be selfish! Felt super happy cuz I got to seem them after almost a month. Zagxy miss you!!!! 2009 has taught me that if I dwell on things I will become a sad moron, so Melissa it is really ok x3 and I dunt mindx3, I am happy fr you bothx3 I am finding my own happiness now anyw!

Am super booked to do a lot of things, worship roster is like whooohooooo! Hope that God will really give me strength to do a lot of things. School is starting on monday OMG like really O.M.G. Sorry but I really cannot believe it. My prayer this year is that I will be able to know God's will in my life so much more and I wont be alone!! Whoa pun x 4 sorry Im so smart. Oh yes I need to eat healthily and move arnd much more. Need to start learning th guitar and upping myself to reach my dreams!! Frenchkisser you gotta help meee!

There will be no space/time fr sadness and regrets in 2010 I promise myself. I left 2008 with a million regrets, read my year end post of 2008! I will fight fr every opportunity, that is th only thing I can do fr myself now that I've given up so many things. Bye bye terrible 2009, hello awesome 2010!

Love you all, eva

2009-12-31T13:21:00.002+08:00

hello baby, i never once regretted falling in love w you when 2pm first came out. Who but me knew that you would turn out so awesome?

2009-12-24T12:43:00.001+08:00

Latest off inki!! Love minzy how she tries so hard and is perfect!!

Oh happy day!

2009-12-21T10:08:00.003+08:00

12 years pal! I love you much :D

I think I kinda know what zagx meant when she said abt th candid shot, this is such a precious photo!!

This week has been a real ride for me. I really must thank God fr pulling me through each circumstance, fr giving me strength to face everyth and fr friends to be there fr me through everyth. Thank you zagx and ham fr th first thing,yen fr th second and third thing, ryl fr the second,third and fourth thing. Thank God fr everyth! Its been an awesome experience right from getting lost in tampines, katong just to find Tung Ling, late nights at ryl just trying to find out whats wrong w me lately, chalet's insane sleeping hours and my new found addiction fr burnout, finding out abt stuff that I rather nt know in my entire life. Hectic much yes. I feel guilty fr neglecting some of my friends it sucks. Thats th bad part abt being th social butterfly I am, when all of them come together Im so lost I end up making th wrong (right?) decisions. Having said that, Im glad things turned out th way they did ytd. I really lived in the moment so I wont have any regrets and it paid off I guess. Th stuff in church was just horrendous and I never wna be in that kind of situation ever agn.

Ryl says my blog is so vague, I guess its just cuz Im a v general person. This is fr 4 pple. Good luck to you and you! Im sincerely glad fr you 4, individually and as a pair. Its time I moved on, onto finding what I really want in life and who I want. I think Im at a juncture in my life where a lot of things are changing, th steps Im about to take will change my friendships drastically but I dunt mind at all, bcuz I feel that as long as Im in God's will, everyth will work out fr th better. I told ryl my genuine feelings abt how I felt abt my r/s w th PPG and I dunt think I regret it. What clr said abt how I shld be, I dunt disagree but I dunt agree too. Its nt that I dunt love them, its just that I love them too much to wna tell them how to lead their lives. We're all so old alrdy, Im sure there are things that are better left unsaid.

Im off to enjoy th day all by myself! My dad says Im out too much and too late, I agree too. After A's have brought a new found freedom that I average reaching home at 12 every day. Am gna stay home today to prepare fr tmr and study my BTT which my parents are obssessing over everyday. I swear they just like to see me studying la.

DEC 15 2009

2009-12-15T23:26:00.007+08:00

Last fri w Zi Ying and Karen, made me happy aft an extremely unfulfilling day.

3 awesome things in this photo, ZY, Karen and one more can you can you can you spot it??

I called this pic loveinashot muahahahhahhha :D

Sentosa w th rest!! Love them v v much really, am so surprised at how far we've come as a grp :}

Outing on SAT:

Say hello to my pony which I sincerely tried to feed, someone shld have taken a photo of that

Winners look like this generally :} Can you spot me?? muahahhahah, I personally think I am unrecognizable

Yvonne and Sin hua's zao pai action, check out damien gosh.....

Favourite photo of prom!! WE LOOK EXTREMELY HAPPY AND BLISSFUL, can never ask fr guy pals as awesome as these 3 :]

Siao derek this pic speaks 100000 words leh, Bye bye to you frm us yr single friends pahahahhahhhhh

What a day, Hannah I need you :{ Thank God fr Yen else I might die in my shock/anger/frustration all in a span of 3 mins.

Had a long talk/arguement abt trust w ryl ytd. I think Im just diff frm her, pple may hate me after I say this but this is really just the way I am. I rank my friends acc to how close they are to me. So if someone tells me someth and says dunt tell anyone, I will see how close I am to that person. Eg, If yen tells me someth and says dunt tell anyone, I surely wont. But if.... one of ties tells me, I surely will tell another tie. You get it? Its like nt say you tell me dunt tell anyone I wont tell anyone one, its like. I gotta see whats th extent of friendship btwn us. Im saying this so that you wont feel betrayed by me in th future. And of course I wont go tell any old one la, I will prbl tell pple who I trust as well. Sighza la all this arose bcuz of what ryl told me ytd...

Today is a good day despite everyth that happened!! Must learn to look to the future and cherish pple arnd me. Pple who I think are arnd me but are actl not shld just GAD. Stay safe boy!

Bye Bye

2009-12-10T12:44:00.005+08:00

On an ep of Dolphin Bay ytd : Even I dno who I am, who are you to tell me who I shld be?

I wonder if sometimes I try to act like everyth is ok so often that I forget to feel and do what I really want. I triumph my friends over me a hell lot, which is why I rather see them happy than me most of the time. Wonder if its really paying off. What does sadness feel like? Some unstoppable pain? Its almost ridiculous the amt of things I do to convince myself that Im happy now w a new guy, he is better fr me, there will never be internal conflicts. Yep, ridiculous. I dunt think I ever felt so many emotions and yet had to deal w all of them at th same time just so I dunt seem like a brat. Alicia come back soooon!! :{ Sincere wishes fr you and you!

Emotional rock throughout this year!! Me, Zhi Xin

Love my best buds of DHS Ties!! Jia Min, Hannah, Me, Xin Hui, Melissa Zhi Xin

My support throughout everyth, thank God fr you Tze Lin!

Hubby Bubby Shun Jie!! Will miss you TTMX fr sure :[

Thanks fr the memories this year Ties -ag and melly

Had a great day out ytd, really love gng out w them cuz Im always the youngest and they all take care of me a lot! Never thought that I would have been awesome friends w them in th past :]

There are super un-glam photos of me but.........

Am gna Dolphin Bay in a minute bye!

KCRAZYYYY@!@

2009-12-02T15:25:00.003+08:00

Because of Lee HongKi, totally like FT Island now :} Not hard to guess which is my favourite guy. No.1, Specs CHECK! No.2, Nerdy hair CHECK!

Minam singing th awesome song by TaeKyung!!

MINZY rapping and dancing at th same time awesome la!! 3.08-3.22!! Go Go Go dearest MJ!!

yay pay save the day!!

2009-12-01T21:01:00.002+08:00

whoopeedoooooop! Did the unthinkable! kinda la, I finished You're Beautiful in 2 days yaaaaaay! All with ample sleep! And I managed to skip 2 meals by just watching 8eps on average per day yayayayayay!! Show is really predictable, acting is real good tho. Have increased my hate meter for UEE she really acts th bitch part super well. HongKi as Jeremy makes me remove th rocker image I have of him and replaces it w a super cute older bro! ShinWoo is my fav guy who loves his girl till th end despite nt getting her, like JiHoon in BBF! TaeKyung is my boy at heart, he manages to appeal w/o being too irritating not like Goo Jun Pyo in BBF, I really dunt like GJP. Aw shuck, he is just real good la, manages to break out of his shell while remaining th ol rocker of A.N.JELL at th same time. Will upload screen shots and posters when I can!! Oh yes, Park Shin Hye just abt does it as th main lead, she is likeable enough I guess. On th whole, a good show definitely! Catch it if you can!

Shuck, need to start lit tmr gosh:{

A.N.JELL!!

2009-11-30T19:04:00.002+08:00

New recommendation! Korean drama You're beautiful is really goooood. Story line is quite predictable and all but... Hongki as Jeremy is really funny! And... UEE can really act as a bitch its damn incredible. Kinda hate her even more now. But do catch it if you have th time. Have a enormous headache and I keep wanting to puke th whole day. Sucks much. Character Shin Woo is awesome!! Somewhat like Jihoon in BBF. Ah, why do I like all th nice guys who fail to get th girl :{