Dearest Caiming,


I cannot believe you just did that to me. After all the pride and dignity I sacrifice as a woman for you, you still take my heart and crush it in front of me. So before you say that you are leaving me, Im leaving you first. And best still, Im not telling you that Im leaving. Because you take my presence around you for granted, Im going to make you regret so hard you ever thought about talking to that stupid french girl.

Yesterday I just said goodbye to someone who loved me and another one who I loved. I will try to embrace a new life I guess. I mean, I have another month here only. Live through it, make sure I study for my exams and try to not cheat, study my korean well, not waste so much fucking money on online shopping and going out. Hang out with pple who genuinely care for me and my heart. Its amazing how ytd, after Caiming stepped all over me in front of everyone at the party I just left and went to get high. Its also amazing how the friends who I dint think much of were the ones who really are concerned for me. Despite repeating and nagging over and over again that I wanted to go to the club Caiming was at, none of them allowed me to speak for the entire journey and we ended up going to this other club which wasnt soooo much fun but at least I was allowed to have fun by myself. Im surprised how they all want the best for me, but I myself am not allowing myself to break free from Caiming. Yes he is destroying me, but at the same time I do not want to lose the security that he comes with.


I need to find myself back. I have let myself go too much. And this really sucks.