i am :
Evangelyn Stephen;161191
commonly known as mongolia to my v close friends. If you think Im an ass for being a fan of Strawberry Shortcake`s , you can just go eat yrself up you stupid curry leaf :D
Disclaimer
This blog was created so I could show off my awfully good bimbotic ranting skills. Should I seem to display sudden signs of intelligence, I assure you IT IS NOT ME.


FLUBBERBLUBBER
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    Designer:     Toxicatears11
    Basecode: Doughnutcrazy
    Do not remove. Thanks for your cooperation.(:



    I want to go home v v badly. But im also afraid to burst the little bubble im in right now. I feel safe just because Im doing the same things, meeting the same people staying at the same place for almost two months already. Im making plans to make my heart ready for farewells. Its the last day for the rest of the interns here. Its so sad, yet at the same time I feel something else that is foreign. Dno what it is though.

    I want to go to camp soooo badly. I started my first week here at camp and it helped me so much to get used to things and people. I really wna end my term in taiwan at another camp as well. But mayb its cuz I yearn so much to go for this new camp, for good or selfish motives, thats why God is not allowing me to go. Yet? Camp is next monday omg this suckssss. I am not as obsessed with Jason as I make myself out to be la pls. I over exxagerate really esp with relationship issues I always overreact so no one knows what Im truly feeling.But going for camp would feel good. Esp w all my fav pple and heavenly melody so fun la.
    Posted on: Friday, August 12, 2011
    Posted at: 10:54 AM

    Hello pals!!! Im doing good in TW. Im currently in a cold war with G so before I call him next he is so gna have to contact me first.

    I have a pretty permanent job now so Im kinda glad cuz I dunt have to keep worrying about articles anymore and just key in those damn words.

    See everyone sooooon k :]
    Posted on: Wednesday, August 03, 2011
    Posted at: 3:22 PM

    Hi everyone who still bothers to come here. I am safe and sound in taiwan. Its like being in bible school all over again. Just that now work is involved. Its like a never ending church camp. I feel safe, protected, there is chapel everyday and weekends have church. I feel as though i was leading my old life again. The life before Uni and China. I really cannot imagine what my life would be when I leave ORTV. Its not that Im crazy abt this plc or what, Im fine I guess. Evryone out of tw is telling me that tw is awesome it rocks shopping is good bla bla, well yeah it is whatever. But you know my personality is not going out there to do all those stuff but its being w my friends and whatever that comes along after that just makes sense no matter what we do or where we go. I love my housemates, i love the people i work with, its just that sometimes i get so stressed about how im not good enough. all the othyer interns are asians who study in america or just americans.I mean i feel that my english is darn good esp when i write essays but everyone here just makes me feel so inferior abt my writing skills.

    I want to go back to singapore so badly. I love my friends here, they love me too obviously. But i just want my comfort zone back. Im not ready for all these. After this summer i think im just gna work really hard in my studies cuz i realize i hate work. this is my first official 'work' in my life. I have never ever worked worked in my life so i have decided i hate it. HAHA.

    Another thing. Although Im really distracted by so much here. I find myself missing G alot. Is that weird or what. We started out as 'siblings' where he cares alot for me and i just do alot for him. when i call him frm tw, he seems like he needs me not at that moment but mayb just after that, like he says ok call me tmr, im bz now w my friend or i wna talk to my mama or WHATEVER. and i feel weird. Like in tw i tell everyone he is my bf but we are just in a complicated stage now. ya i guess we are. even when my TL friends ask me abt him i tell them honestly that i dno whats up btwn us. I guess i dunt love like him yet, its just a huge dependency like the one i used to have on derek. weird much.

    i want to go hooooooome. i miss cal and ryl so much. i have not seen cal in half a year and i wont see her for another half. and if i really decide to go travel in winter i wont see her for like 1.5 years i just want to die. I feel so bad i havent been updating them as much as best friends shld and as much as i want to. ah crap.

    oh yeah i love tw cuz i have so much internet freedom now. take that china.
    Posted on: Friday, July 22, 2011
    Posted at: 9:59 AM

    Dearest Caiming,


    I cannot believe you just did that to me. After all the pride and dignity I sacrifice as a woman for you, you still take my heart and crush it in front of me. So before you say that you are leaving me, Im leaving you first. And best still, Im not telling you that Im leaving. Because you take my presence around you for granted, Im going to make you regret so hard you ever thought about talking to that stupid french girl.

    Yesterday I just said goodbye to someone who loved me and another one who I loved. I will try to embrace a new life I guess. I mean, I have another month here only. Live through it, make sure I study for my exams and try to not cheat, study my korean well, not waste so much fucking money on online shopping and going out. Hang out with pple who genuinely care for me and my heart. Its amazing how ytd, after Caiming stepped all over me in front of everyone at the party I just left and went to get high. Its also amazing how the friends who I dint think much of were the ones who really are concerned for me. Despite repeating and nagging over and over again that I wanted to go to the club Caiming was at, none of them allowed me to speak for the entire journey and we ended up going to this other club which wasnt soooo much fun but at least I was allowed to have fun by myself. Im surprised how they all want the best for me, but I myself am not allowing myself to break free from Caiming. Yes he is destroying me, but at the same time I do not want to lose the security that he comes with.


    I need to find myself back. I have let myself go too much. And this really sucks.
    Posted on: Saturday, May 28, 2011
    Posted at: 10:33 PM


    BFFS!! <3






    CAIMING...







    I hate the way you leave me hanging on a string. I hate the way you can read me so well. Then agn, everyone here reads me well. I hate the way Im so dependent on you. I hate the way I am when I mention the things I say I would do for you. I hate the way I cant treat you like an older brother, the way I treat all the other laos 'geges'. Why couldnt we have started just as friends. I hate the way I have to act drunk arnd you when Im most defnitely not. I hate the fact that I have to pretend to love someone else so you would be so acted up and concerned for my safety. I hate the fact that you are such a popular guy that you have soooo many girls arnd you each day. You say Im super popular and have many guys arnd me too, but you say that knowing that my heart beats only for one guy. YET YOU STILL SAY IT. You are a fucking bastard la. I hate it when you dedicate songs to me with hidden messages, they make me think alot. And Im so sure you meant it for me to think abt it.


    They say dunt ever trust men here, they are all looking for a close friend, a companion if you will, for their time here. I trust you so much, but at the same time bcuz you know I have this huge dependency on you, you use it against me.
    Posted on: Thursday, May 26, 2011
    Posted at: 11:20 AM

    this is the exact reason why I hate having female best friends. 1 best friend. This is also the reason why me and yen are so gum. Or me ryl and cal can survive (barely) after 4 years. All the jealousy hate angst cold wars omg. I hate being a girl. Ok actl I hate being so popular w guys. I really cant help it that my character is just 'hao' acc to the pple here and that guys really like to hang out w me right.

    fuck la. I want to go home now
    Posted on: Wednesday, May 25, 2011
    Posted at: 12:33 AM

    I need to learn how to live without you. One day seems like a week, a year even if I cant see your face. I need to learn how to stop hurting myself. We end up hurting each other. Its just who starts the ball rolling. I have given my soul to loud music and techno beats. I become unrecognizable when Im surrounded by tens of hot bodies gyrating to the same music but with a different rhythm within each of our hearts. My heart beats for you, but when I see the person you become under the lights, my head spins out of control and my body takes on another man's rhythm. I do not want to change. I hate change. But why is it that everyone but me sees the change in me already. I do not regret having met you. But I regret letting you have this much control over me. How can I be so cheap.
    Posted on: Saturday, May 14, 2011
    Posted at: 5:40 PM